Never Ending Rollercoaster

Adoption is very hard emotionally. Never knowing when or if, for that matter, you'll be chosen by a birth mother. Throw in the fact occasionally, you actually know a birth mother is looking at your profile and then things get crazy.

Several months ago we had decided to send our profile to birth parents in another state. This one would have been a private adoption through an attorney instead of through our agency. We waited all weekend to hear if we were chosen. When we got an email back from the attorney, it turned out he had never received our email with the profile in it even though my email had it in the "sent" folder. That was heart breaking.

So, then our year mark of waiting rolls around. We had to have the agency come back to our house to update our home study. The whirlwind of making sure everything is in order was just crazy.

Fast forward to last Thursday night while at one of my boys' soccer games. I get a phone call from my friend that is a social worker at a hospital. She calls to let me know that there is an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and she's due Oct 31st with a baby girl. She tells me that she'll be calling LDSFS in the morning to have them come and speak with her. Since the hospital is about 30 minutes north of here, the LDSFS she would be calling would not have our profile. I email our caseworker and she told me that in order for my profile to be included, I'd have to drive it up there.

Friday afternoon, I drive it up. Friday night, the expectant mother has talked with LDSFS and has agreed to look at profiles. Our profile was in her hand. All weekend goes by -- we hear nothing regarding the situation. Wednesday rolls around and I talk with my friend. She will be working that day and said she'd check into the situation.

After she checks into the situation, I learn more about what's going on and the situation in general. The expectant mom (e-mom) was abused and dropped on her head as a child. She was put into foster care, but is now 18, so she's out of the system. Her mental state isn't completely there due to the abuse. The social workers at the hospital are worried she would be neglectful of the baby and will call DCFS if she chooses not to place the baby for adoption.

So, the bio mom of the e-mom randomly comes back into the picture this past weekend. She promises the e-mom that she will get an apartment and they can all live together and she will take care of the baby. Because of the past abuse, this won't be allowed, yet somehow e-mom decides that is what she'll do. She tells LDSFS that she'll be having her bio mom take care of the baby and isn't going to place for adoption. LDSFS takes the profiles back unless e-mom decides she wants to consider adoption again. LDSFS is checking in with the e-mom daily, but at the moment it sounds like as soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called. They will come and assess the situation and most likely put the baby into foster care. If the birth mother can't follow through on things (which is very likely she won't), then the baby will be placed for adoption through the foster/adopt program and it'll be a closed adoption where the e-mom won't have contact with the baby.

If she decides she wants to place, then she can choose an open adoption and at least get pictures and letters. We are willing to have even have visits with her at a neutral place (park, restaurant, mall, etc), but she won't have that if DCFS takes the baby.

It's just so frustrating to know that this baby is being born into such a hard situation. My heart goes out to the e-mom being in such a situation. I just hope she'll be able to finally understand the seriousness of her situation and decide to look at profiles again. She's due this Sunday, she doesn't have much time, even if she does go over her due date. It'd be easier for me to know that the baby was going to another family than to know that it'll go into the foster system.

As you can tell, just this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea when this portion of the ups and downs will come to an end, but I have a feeling that this is not the end of our adoption roller coaster.