Two sweet girls and their birth mother

As we continue our journey of adoption after being matched, I am continuously amazed at how wonderful our birth mother is. We text almost daily and she truly wants what's best for the girls and she has our interests on her mind as well.

The one morning I got a text from her telling us that she'd been thinking and that she's okay with us naming the girls. We would name them regardless, but to know that she feels like we should name them is truly wonderful. At that point we had already decided what their names will be. One will be Emma Noelle and the other Ellie Jayne. We haven't decided if the first one out will for sure be one or the other.

Then this past Monday, she sent a text letting us know that labor may be soon as she lost her plug. I'm not sure if she knows a pregnant woman can lose their mucus plug and have it reform many times before labor actually begins, but it shows that labor is near. Since she feels like it'll be soon, within the next week is what she's guessing, I asked her if she wanted us to be there for the the labor/delivery or if she wanted us to wait until after to come. She texted, "They are your girls, too, so it only feels right for you to be there." I about cried when I read that.


Yesterday I got to go to an ultrasound with her. She asked me to come early because she had other appointments as well prior to the ultrasound and wanted to make sure I'd be with her when it was time.

I got to sit with her as she had a NST. Never having had to have one of those before, I didn't know exactly what it involved. Pretty much it's just monitoring the baby's heartbeats for about twenty minutes. The silly girls were very active and were not happy to have the monitors on them. They kept kicking at them and moving all over the place. One of them got the hiccups during it. Kendra and I just talked about random stuff as we waited for the test to be done with.

Then it was time for the ultrasound. We got to see the girls moving around. One of the girls was facing the wrong way and was too low to really get a good look at her face. The other one I got a profile shot of her. She kept moving her hand up in front of her face, so while we got to see her in 4D, there was never a time that they could print a picture of it. I'm so excited to meet my sweet girls. They both have hair which will be interesting since both of the boys were bald when they were babies.



They did an estimate on their weights. One is just under 4lbs and the other is about 6 ounces heavier being over 4lbs a bit. The doctor said that they are both a good size for the gestational age and that they are growing well. They are both head down ready to go and at this point they won't stop labor.

Kendra texted me later yesterday and said that she forgot to tell me that she's planning pumping and freezing the milk for us to be able to feed the girls with. I hadn't talked to her about that at all and to have her offer to do so was just amazing. I have a friend who had already offered to donate breast milk whenever we adopted, so to know that their own birth mother wants them to have that as well was just wonderful.

I don't want Kendra to feel so empty after placing, so I've made her a quilt. Awhile back I had found some Supergirl fabric that I bought knowing I'd use it for a birth mother blanket when the time came. It took a long time to complete it, but it is now ready to go. I'm also going to take the boys to Build a Bear and have them each make a bear to give Kendra. She's excited that the girls will have big brothers so it's only right that they give her something to show their thanks.

Incredibly blessed

This past weekend was kind of a whirlwind for us. Before I get into the details of the whirlwind, I need to share some background information. About three weeks ago a friend of mine that lives in Ogden contacted me through yahoo messenger. She asked me how we felt about adopting twins. I told her that we would love to adopt twins. She then proceeded to tell me about her friend's brother's girlfriend who was starting to considering placing her twin girls for adoption. I told her to pass along one of cards and that was that. I talked with her right before fast Sunday, so I chose to fast for her and that if these babies were meant to come to our home that she would be drawn to us.

Weeks passed and we heard nothing. Since she was due in April, I wasn't too concerned, but it's always nice to hear back on a potential adoption lead. I continued to pray for her.

This past Wednesday, my friend asked me if we'd heard anything yet. She had asked her friend and as far as she knew the expectant mother hadn't decided for certain on placing. Then Thursday night rolls around and the expectant mother emails us. She said that she wants her girls to go to a good home and she almost cried when she saw our picture on the card because we look like such a great family. I got the email Friday morning after my boys were at school. My heart was full of so much joy. I immediately contacted my caseworker to let her know she gave me pointers in how to respond. I then proceeded to let my friends in FSA know about the situation and ask for them to pray for us.

My caseworker emailed me back as I was writing a response. I changed a few things and sent the email. I knew from my friend that the expectant mother didn't have a job so I sat around waiting for a response all day. It was torture waiting, wondering if she'd want to meet us. Luckily, I got to have a slight distraction by going on a lunch date with my wonderful husband. We were both in shock that a potential birth mother had actually contacted us. I finally got an email back right around dinner time.

Her name is Kendra and she said that she'd love to meet us and the boys. She told me that she's 24 and has a three year old son who is being cared for by her mother. She told me she that she's due April 16th, and that she's 32 weeks pregnant and that she's already had shots to stop contractions, so it could be soon. She told me about upcoming ultrasound appointments and that she'd give us everything she has for the girls even though it's not much. She then gave me her phone number and told me to text her first so she'd know what the number was. Since it was dinner time I didn't call her right then. I then went to Relief Society after dinner and knew I wouldn't be calling her when I got back from that.

I had a fun time at Relief Society and let the women there know about the possibility. I emailed my caseworker to let her know we'd gotten a response and that she wanted to meet us when I got home from Relief Society. I told her that it seems like she already has her mind set on us by the things she said, but she hadn't gave a definite "I want to place my twin girls with your family".

Saturday morning, we went to the church for Brandon's baptism preview. Once we were home, it took me awhile to get enough courage to call Kendra. It was around 11:30am when I called and she had just woken up from a nap. She was still a little groggy, but when I asked her if she wanted to meet up, she told me that she just needed to shower and then could do so. I had been thinking dinner at the earliest or maybe this week sometime. She must have felt the need to meet us asap,so we met for lunch at 1pm at a Denny's, her choice.

It was great to actually meet her. We talked about her interests, her plans for the future, then we moved into more adoption related stuff. We let her know that we were comfortable with an open adoption as much as she was. If she's okay with visits at a neutral place, we are fine with that, if that makes her uncomfortable, we won't push it. She said she wants at least pictures so she can make sure they are doing well. She kept saying she wants them to go to a good home, but once again she hadn't said that she wanted to place with us. She was implying it, but I wanted to be sure.

The Denny's had a crane machine and the boys wanted to try it out. I happened to actually have some quarters with me, so Kevin went over to help them with the game which left Kendra and me alone at the table. I asked her if she felt comfortable with us. She told me that she did and that her friends had introduced her to other adoptive couples and none of them felt right. She told me that one of these other couples even had the audacity to tell her that they'd be willing to adopt one of the girls. She told me she just looked at them thinking, "Ummm, hello, there's two of them in there." So, at that point I knew that she was serious about placing her sweet twin girls with us. Soon after that we were finished with eating and it was time for us to part ways. I asked her if I could hug her and she said yes. I thanked her and she thanked us for being willing to take care of her girls. She invited me to her next ultrasound appointment on March 2nd.

On our drive home, Kevin and I were in a state of shock. A beautiful birth mom had actually chosen us to place twin girls with. It's amazing. Heavenly Father has truly blessed us. I had a feeling we'd have twins and at least one would be a girl. When I had miscarried twins in between Brandon and Edward I had the distinct impression that I would still get to raise those twins in this life. I later had a dream about them and they were girls. Of course at the time I just assumed that I'd get pregnant with twins again. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought they would come to our family through adoption.

The birth father of these twin girls is of Irish decent with blond hair and blue eyes, and Kendra's son has blond hair, so it's quite possible that these sweet little girls will fit in with our family in regards to how they look. It's really all amazing and Heavenly Father is so good to us. His plan is always grander than our own even when we can't see it. I have grown much through this and I am grateful to have had the trial of infertility and waiting to adopt. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's the path we had to take to have these sweet girls come to our home.

I'm looking forward to seeing them via ultrasound in a little over a week. It's so incredibly amazing.

Pregnant woman all around...

It seems like every day I hear of one or two people who I know that are pregnant. Yes, I'm happy for them, but also insanely jealous. While I've had the wonderful blessing to carry two children to term, my heart hurts that I'll never have that blessing again. It's so hard to offer my congrats to them when I know that I can't join them.

We were led by a loving Heavenly Father to adoption as a way to help our family grow. Adoption really is a wonderful thing, but it's hard to wait and it's hard to hear the voices of those who are completely against adoption. My mom recently tried to give a pass along card to an old youth Sunday school teacher of mine and she refused it. Apparently her daughter recently placed for adoption and now she is bitter that her daughter did so. She thinks that she should have been able to save the day and raise her grandchild, but somewhere in her head she knew that wouldn't be fair to the child since she's in her fifties already.

I cling to the promise I received in a blessing that Heavenly Father is preparing a baby for us. It's the only hope I have left of having another baby join our family. Still, it's a matter of when and that I don't know the answer to. While reading an adoption blog I ran across this quote from President Uctdorf:

"Patience is not passive resignation nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can-working, hoping, exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our heart are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring, it is enduring well!"

I am trying to do what he says patience is, but it is very hard. It's especially hard when it's such a righteous desire to have our family grow. We are doing all we can to try to help the situation. We have an adoption blog, we sent out adoption pass along cards to everyone we sent a Christmas card to, I've been leaving those same cards everywhere (with the check at restaurants, the laundromat, etc), we have a facebook page regarding our adoption, and I've been handing out the cards to other people I run across as has Kevin, and we are praying. There's not really anything else we can do at the moment unless someone gifts us with a lot of money so we can use multiple agencies. For the time being,we have to stay with LDS Family Services to adopt. Enduring this trial can be very hard, but I know with the Lord's help, we'll get through it and eventually have another little one in our family.

Spreading the Word

One of the best things a couple can do to help be able to adopt sooner is by spreading the word that they are trying to adopt. A co-worker, friend, or extended family member may come across an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and they can pass along your info to them.

We've been spreading the word as much as we can and we are still waiting. We know that Heavenly Father has a baby that He's preparing to send our way, we just have to wait for the right time (whenever that may be).

So, I figured, I might as well help spread the word about some of my friends who are also trying to adopt:

Levi and Kristalee are a very cute couple who were blessed to have a biological child after being told it wasn't possible. They want to add to their family through adoption. Check out their profile and pass it along to anyone who is considering placing for adoption. https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24230928/ourMessage.jsf

Jeff and Elizabeth are so much fun to be around! They have already been blessed to have three children through adoption and are hoping to add another. https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24926196/ourMessage.jsf

I'm sure I'm forgetting someone and if I remember them, I'll add them at a later time. There is of course our profile as well:

Kevin and Tami https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23392899/ourMessage.jsf

It's almost a new month and...

November is

It's a month to help spread the word about adoption, a month to help others to be able to adopt by passing along profiles to friends and family, a month to help support expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child, and a month to help get rid of the negative connotations that surround adoption.

While November doesn't technically start until tomorrow, I figured I'd start a day early. Kevin and I are still waiting for a wonderful birth mother to choose us to place her baby with through adoption. We've been waiting for over a year. Through blessings of comfort, I've been promised that Heavenly Father is preparing a baby for us. In that blessing I was not told how soon that baby will be placed in our home, but I trust in my lovingly Heavenly Father and will wait patiently for the child that He is guiding to our home.

While I've been disappointed a lot through this waiting time in the adoption process, I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions, yet when I remember to turn to Heavenly Father in prayer, I am supported and lifted up through this trial -- this test of patience. The situation that I last posted about hasn't changed so far that I know of. The birth mother is choosing to not place her baby for adoption. This is her right to choose and I don't hold any hard feelings against her in the least. If I was in her place, I may choose the same as her. I wish she could understand that she most likely won't be able to parent her child since DSFS will be called.

Last night while I was waiting for trick or treaters to come to our house, I had a strong impression to fast and pray for this sweet birth mother in her time of need. She will be having her baby on Monday for certain (whether she's being induced or if it's by scheduled c-section, I'm unsure). As soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called and they will come and determine if this baby will for sure be going into the foster care system. From what I've learned, it's likely, but I don't know for sure. My heart goes out to her. To have your baby taken without really having a say would be hard. I am not sure if this birth mother will be able to receive inspiration that changes her mind, but either way, she'll be able to have the comfort and support of Heavenly Father due in part to me following the prompting to fast and pray for her. If she does end up choosing to place, it'd be nice if she chose us, but she may not and I'm okay with that. I know that Heavenly Father knows when the baby that's meant to be in our family will be here and I'm trusting in Him to help support us as we wait. It may be this baby and maybe we'll be surprised in a couple days with a call.

I have such a great love for any expectant mother who considers adoption for their child, whether they choose to place or parent. It's a tough decision. I respect those who choose to place their baby in order to give their baby a better life than if they chose to parent. At the same time as they are giving their baby a better life, they are also blessing an adoptive couple who in a lot of cases wouldn't be able to have a baby in their home. This is a great gift. These women have such a hard decision to make at a time when they may feel like they've already failed by being in the situation they are in. It is not okay for us to look down on women who choose to place. They are not taking the easy way out. They are thinking about their baby's future and what they want for that baby. They realize that they will not be able to provide the type of home they want for their baby and so they place their baby into a loving couple's arms; a couple who will be able to provide the type of home that they want their baby to have. If you know of anyone who is considering placing for adoption, please support them no matter what they decide to do. They need your love and support.

Never Ending Rollercoaster

Adoption is very hard emotionally. Never knowing when or if, for that matter, you'll be chosen by a birth mother. Throw in the fact occasionally, you actually know a birth mother is looking at your profile and then things get crazy.

Several months ago we had decided to send our profile to birth parents in another state. This one would have been a private adoption through an attorney instead of through our agency. We waited all weekend to hear if we were chosen. When we got an email back from the attorney, it turned out he had never received our email with the profile in it even though my email had it in the "sent" folder. That was heart breaking.

So, then our year mark of waiting rolls around. We had to have the agency come back to our house to update our home study. The whirlwind of making sure everything is in order was just crazy.

Fast forward to last Thursday night while at one of my boys' soccer games. I get a phone call from my friend that is a social worker at a hospital. She calls to let me know that there is an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and she's due Oct 31st with a baby girl. She tells me that she'll be calling LDSFS in the morning to have them come and speak with her. Since the hospital is about 30 minutes north of here, the LDSFS she would be calling would not have our profile. I email our caseworker and she told me that in order for my profile to be included, I'd have to drive it up there.

Friday afternoon, I drive it up. Friday night, the expectant mother has talked with LDSFS and has agreed to look at profiles. Our profile was in her hand. All weekend goes by -- we hear nothing regarding the situation. Wednesday rolls around and I talk with my friend. She will be working that day and said she'd check into the situation.

After she checks into the situation, I learn more about what's going on and the situation in general. The expectant mom (e-mom) was abused and dropped on her head as a child. She was put into foster care, but is now 18, so she's out of the system. Her mental state isn't completely there due to the abuse. The social workers at the hospital are worried she would be neglectful of the baby and will call DCFS if she chooses not to place the baby for adoption.

So, the bio mom of the e-mom randomly comes back into the picture this past weekend. She promises the e-mom that she will get an apartment and they can all live together and she will take care of the baby. Because of the past abuse, this won't be allowed, yet somehow e-mom decides that is what she'll do. She tells LDSFS that she'll be having her bio mom take care of the baby and isn't going to place for adoption. LDSFS takes the profiles back unless e-mom decides she wants to consider adoption again. LDSFS is checking in with the e-mom daily, but at the moment it sounds like as soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called. They will come and assess the situation and most likely put the baby into foster care. If the birth mother can't follow through on things (which is very likely she won't), then the baby will be placed for adoption through the foster/adopt program and it'll be a closed adoption where the e-mom won't have contact with the baby.

If she decides she wants to place, then she can choose an open adoption and at least get pictures and letters. We are willing to have even have visits with her at a neutral place (park, restaurant, mall, etc), but she won't have that if DCFS takes the baby.

It's just so frustrating to know that this baby is being born into such a hard situation. My heart goes out to the e-mom being in such a situation. I just hope she'll be able to finally understand the seriousness of her situation and decide to look at profiles again. She's due this Sunday, she doesn't have much time, even if she does go over her due date. It'd be easier for me to know that the baby was going to another family than to know that it'll go into the foster system.

As you can tell, just this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea when this portion of the ups and downs will come to an end, but I have a feeling that this is not the end of our adoption roller coaster.

Created a Different Blog

While I'll still be occasionally blogging here, I recently created a blog for birth parents to get to know our family better, so that will probably get a bit more attention than here. You are more than welcome to pass along the new blog to anyone who is considering to place their baby for adoption. Here's the link:

http://kevinandtamifun.blogspot.com/