One of the best things a couple can do to help be able to adopt sooner is by spreading the word that they are trying to adopt. A co-worker, friend, or extended family member may come across an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and they can pass along your info to them.
We've been spreading the word as much as we can and we are still waiting. We know that Heavenly Father has a baby that He's preparing to send our way, we just have to wait for the right time (whenever that may be).
So, I figured, I might as well help spread the word about some of my friends who are also trying to adopt:
Levi and Kristalee are a very cute couple who were blessed to have a biological child after being told it wasn't possible. They want to add to their family through adoption. Check out their profile and pass it along to anyone who is considering placing for adoption. https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24230928/ourMessage.jsf
Jeff and Elizabeth are so much fun to be around! They have already been blessed to have three children through adoption and are hoping to add another. https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/24926196/ourMessage.jsf
I'm sure I'm forgetting someone and if I remember them, I'll add them at a later time. There is of course our profile as well:
Kevin and Tami https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23392899/ourMessage.jsf
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
It's almost a new month and...
November is
It's a month to help spread the word about adoption, a month to help others to be able to adopt by passing along profiles to friends and family, a month to help support expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child, and a month to help get rid of the negative connotations that surround adoption.
While November doesn't technically start until tomorrow, I figured I'd start a day early. Kevin and I are still waiting for a wonderful birth mother to choose us to place her baby with through adoption. We've been waiting for over a year. Through blessings of comfort, I've been promised that Heavenly Father is preparing a baby for us. In that blessing I was not told how soon that baby will be placed in our home, but I trust in my lovingly Heavenly Father and will wait patiently for the child that He is guiding to our home.
While I've been disappointed a lot through this waiting time in the adoption process, I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions, yet when I remember to turn to Heavenly Father in prayer, I am supported and lifted up through this trial -- this test of patience. The situation that I last posted about hasn't changed so far that I know of. The birth mother is choosing to not place her baby for adoption. This is her right to choose and I don't hold any hard feelings against her in the least. If I was in her place, I may choose the same as her. I wish she could understand that she most likely won't be able to parent her child since DSFS will be called.
Last night while I was waiting for trick or treaters to come to our house, I had a strong impression to fast and pray for this sweet birth mother in her time of need. She will be having her baby on Monday for certain (whether she's being induced or if it's by scheduled c-section, I'm unsure). As soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called and they will come and determine if this baby will for sure be going into the foster care system. From what I've learned, it's likely, but I don't know for sure. My heart goes out to her. To have your baby taken without really having a say would be hard. I am not sure if this birth mother will be able to receive inspiration that changes her mind, but either way, she'll be able to have the comfort and support of Heavenly Father due in part to me following the prompting to fast and pray for her. If she does end up choosing to place, it'd be nice if she chose us, but she may not and I'm okay with that. I know that Heavenly Father knows when the baby that's meant to be in our family will be here and I'm trusting in Him to help support us as we wait. It may be this baby and maybe we'll be surprised in a couple days with a call.
I have such a great love for any expectant mother who considers adoption for their child, whether they choose to place or parent. It's a tough decision. I respect those who choose to place their baby in order to give their baby a better life than if they chose to parent. At the same time as they are giving their baby a better life, they are also blessing an adoptive couple who in a lot of cases wouldn't be able to have a baby in their home. This is a great gift. These women have such a hard decision to make at a time when they may feel like they've already failed by being in the situation they are in. It is not okay for us to look down on women who choose to place. They are not taking the easy way out. They are thinking about their baby's future and what they want for that baby. They realize that they will not be able to provide the type of home they want for their baby and so they place their baby into a loving couple's arms; a couple who will be able to provide the type of home that they want their baby to have. If you know of anyone who is considering placing for adoption, please support them no matter what they decide to do. They need your love and support.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Never Ending Rollercoaster
Adoption is very hard emotionally. Never knowing when or if, for that matter, you'll be chosen by a birth mother. Throw in the fact occasionally, you actually know a birth mother is looking at your profile and then things get crazy.
Several months ago we had decided to send our profile to birth parents in another state. This one would have been a private adoption through an attorney instead of through our agency. We waited all weekend to hear if we were chosen. When we got an email back from the attorney, it turned out he had never received our email with the profile in it even though my email had it in the "sent" folder. That was heart breaking.
So, then our year mark of waiting rolls around. We had to have the agency come back to our house to update our home study. The whirlwind of making sure everything is in order was just crazy.
Fast forward to last Thursday night while at one of my boys' soccer games. I get a phone call from my friend that is a social worker at a hospital. She calls to let me know that there is an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and she's due Oct 31st with a baby girl. She tells me that she'll be calling LDSFS in the morning to have them come and speak with her. Since the hospital is about 30 minutes north of here, the LDSFS she would be calling would not have our profile. I email our caseworker and she told me that in order for my profile to be included, I'd have to drive it up there.
Friday afternoon, I drive it up. Friday night, the expectant mother has talked with LDSFS and has agreed to look at profiles. Our profile was in her hand. All weekend goes by -- we hear nothing regarding the situation. Wednesday rolls around and I talk with my friend. She will be working that day and said she'd check into the situation.
After she checks into the situation, I learn more about what's going on and the situation in general. The expectant mom (e-mom) was abused and dropped on her head as a child. She was put into foster care, but is now 18, so she's out of the system. Her mental state isn't completely there due to the abuse. The social workers at the hospital are worried she would be neglectful of the baby and will call DCFS if she chooses not to place the baby for adoption.
So, the bio mom of the e-mom randomly comes back into the picture this past weekend. She promises the e-mom that she will get an apartment and they can all live together and she will take care of the baby. Because of the past abuse, this won't be allowed, yet somehow e-mom decides that is what she'll do. She tells LDSFS that she'll be having her bio mom take care of the baby and isn't going to place for adoption. LDSFS takes the profiles back unless e-mom decides she wants to consider adoption again. LDSFS is checking in with the e-mom daily, but at the moment it sounds like as soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called. They will come and assess the situation and most likely put the baby into foster care. If the birth mother can't follow through on things (which is very likely she won't), then the baby will be placed for adoption through the foster/adopt program and it'll be a closed adoption where the e-mom won't have contact with the baby.
If she decides she wants to place, then she can choose an open adoption and at least get pictures and letters. We are willing to have even have visits with her at a neutral place (park, restaurant, mall, etc), but she won't have that if DCFS takes the baby.
It's just so frustrating to know that this baby is being born into such a hard situation. My heart goes out to the e-mom being in such a situation. I just hope she'll be able to finally understand the seriousness of her situation and decide to look at profiles again. She's due this Sunday, she doesn't have much time, even if she does go over her due date. It'd be easier for me to know that the baby was going to another family than to know that it'll go into the foster system.
As you can tell, just this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea when this portion of the ups and downs will come to an end, but I have a feeling that this is not the end of our adoption roller coaster.
Several months ago we had decided to send our profile to birth parents in another state. This one would have been a private adoption through an attorney instead of through our agency. We waited all weekend to hear if we were chosen. When we got an email back from the attorney, it turned out he had never received our email with the profile in it even though my email had it in the "sent" folder. That was heart breaking.
So, then our year mark of waiting rolls around. We had to have the agency come back to our house to update our home study. The whirlwind of making sure everything is in order was just crazy.
Fast forward to last Thursday night while at one of my boys' soccer games. I get a phone call from my friend that is a social worker at a hospital. She calls to let me know that there is an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and she's due Oct 31st with a baby girl. She tells me that she'll be calling LDSFS in the morning to have them come and speak with her. Since the hospital is about 30 minutes north of here, the LDSFS she would be calling would not have our profile. I email our caseworker and she told me that in order for my profile to be included, I'd have to drive it up there.
Friday afternoon, I drive it up. Friday night, the expectant mother has talked with LDSFS and has agreed to look at profiles. Our profile was in her hand. All weekend goes by -- we hear nothing regarding the situation. Wednesday rolls around and I talk with my friend. She will be working that day and said she'd check into the situation.
After she checks into the situation, I learn more about what's going on and the situation in general. The expectant mom (e-mom) was abused and dropped on her head as a child. She was put into foster care, but is now 18, so she's out of the system. Her mental state isn't completely there due to the abuse. The social workers at the hospital are worried she would be neglectful of the baby and will call DCFS if she chooses not to place the baby for adoption.
So, the bio mom of the e-mom randomly comes back into the picture this past weekend. She promises the e-mom that she will get an apartment and they can all live together and she will take care of the baby. Because of the past abuse, this won't be allowed, yet somehow e-mom decides that is what she'll do. She tells LDSFS that she'll be having her bio mom take care of the baby and isn't going to place for adoption. LDSFS takes the profiles back unless e-mom decides she wants to consider adoption again. LDSFS is checking in with the e-mom daily, but at the moment it sounds like as soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called. They will come and assess the situation and most likely put the baby into foster care. If the birth mother can't follow through on things (which is very likely she won't), then the baby will be placed for adoption through the foster/adopt program and it'll be a closed adoption where the e-mom won't have contact with the baby.
If she decides she wants to place, then she can choose an open adoption and at least get pictures and letters. We are willing to have even have visits with her at a neutral place (park, restaurant, mall, etc), but she won't have that if DCFS takes the baby.
It's just so frustrating to know that this baby is being born into such a hard situation. My heart goes out to the e-mom being in such a situation. I just hope she'll be able to finally understand the seriousness of her situation and decide to look at profiles again. She's due this Sunday, she doesn't have much time, even if she does go over her due date. It'd be easier for me to know that the baby was going to another family than to know that it'll go into the foster system.
As you can tell, just this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea when this portion of the ups and downs will come to an end, but I have a feeling that this is not the end of our adoption roller coaster.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Created a Different Blog
While I'll still be occasionally blogging here, I recently created a blog for birth parents to get to know our family better, so that will probably get a bit more attention than here. You are more than welcome to pass along the new blog to anyone who is considering to place their baby for adoption. Here's the link:
http://kevinandtamifun.blogspot.com/
http://kevinandtamifun.blogspot.com/
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dear Baby
Dear Baby,
While I don't know if you are even conceived yet, I have such great love for you. I know that you will find our family through a wonderful birth mother. We just have to be patient and wait for you to get here.
While we wait, we are doing things to help get ready for you. We have a room that has been dubbed "the baby room". While it's not much right now, it's where you will sleep when you arrive. We will put up a crib and paint the walls a pretty color. It'll be a nice place for you to be.
Your big brothers are excited for you to arrive and both have asked me if you would be here "tomorrow". Of course, I told them that you wouldn't be and that I didn't know when you would be here. It's hard for little boys to have to wait and wait and wait.
Your dad and I are saving money so that we won't have to borrow much or any by the time you find us in order to adopt you. We love you very much and no matter the cost want you to be in our family forever.
I am attached to a breast pump every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes to re-lactate so that by the time you get here, I'll be able to feed you the way nature intended. It's only been a couple weeks, but there's drops of milk already. I'm just hoping there will be more than just drops for you when you are here.
We are thinking of names for you. We don't know if you'll be a boy or a girl or if we'll get twins, but we like to think of possible names for you. I'm kinda liking Adelaide if you are a girl. Not sure on a boy's name just yet, but don't you worry, if you are a boy, we'll come up with the perfect name for you.
We have a nice stash of cloth diapers waiting for your little tushie. Cloth is much more comfortable than disposable/paper diapers and I know you'll appreciate them. If you are a boy we already have cloths for you. If you are a girl, we have a few, but a friend has offered to let us use clothes that her baby wore, so we are set either way.
Just remember that we love you and are waiting for you to join our family.
Lots of love,
Your mom and dad
While I don't know if you are even conceived yet, I have such great love for you. I know that you will find our family through a wonderful birth mother. We just have to be patient and wait for you to get here.
While we wait, we are doing things to help get ready for you. We have a room that has been dubbed "the baby room". While it's not much right now, it's where you will sleep when you arrive. We will put up a crib and paint the walls a pretty color. It'll be a nice place for you to be.
Your big brothers are excited for you to arrive and both have asked me if you would be here "tomorrow". Of course, I told them that you wouldn't be and that I didn't know when you would be here. It's hard for little boys to have to wait and wait and wait.
Your dad and I are saving money so that we won't have to borrow much or any by the time you find us in order to adopt you. We love you very much and no matter the cost want you to be in our family forever.
I am attached to a breast pump every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes to re-lactate so that by the time you get here, I'll be able to feed you the way nature intended. It's only been a couple weeks, but there's drops of milk already. I'm just hoping there will be more than just drops for you when you are here.
We are thinking of names for you. We don't know if you'll be a boy or a girl or if we'll get twins, but we like to think of possible names for you. I'm kinda liking Adelaide if you are a girl. Not sure on a boy's name just yet, but don't you worry, if you are a boy, we'll come up with the perfect name for you.
We have a nice stash of cloth diapers waiting for your little tushie. Cloth is much more comfortable than disposable/paper diapers and I know you'll appreciate them. If you are a boy we already have cloths for you. If you are a girl, we have a few, but a friend has offered to let us use clothes that her baby wore, so we are set either way.
Just remember that we love you and are waiting for you to join our family.
Lots of love,
Your mom and dad
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Given another option
After my last post, I was surprised by the sense of peace I was able to have concerning everything. I know that it was through my prayers and the prayers of others that I was strengthened to be able to carry on relatively quick.
Tuesday, we met with the director of our agency. We had been having issues with our caseworker and requested a change. He felt we should discuss things in person instead of just through the email I had sent. Seemed pointless to me, but we will be having a new caseworker soonish. I hope our new caseworker will be able to really get to know us and not just know us on paper like our last caseworker. There's a big difference between really knowing someone and just knowing them by what they wrote to answer their home study/getting to know us questions.
Then today, after I posted a thing on our adoption facebook page about others printing our profile, especially if they are in the health care field, I got a message from a facebook friend. I met this friend when I was pregnant with Brandon and have remained friends with her since. She asked if we had ever considered surrogacy. I told her that I had briefly thought about it, but that it didn't feel like the path we should pursue at this time. I also explained to her that surrogacy is essentially adoption whether or not the child being carried has the same genetics as the couple that is having the surrogate carry the child. By law, the child a surrogate carries is her child regardless of genetics. Adoption paperwork still has to be filled out and filed in order for that child to be the couple's child. Our insurance also will not cover IVF for surrogacy even though it covers IVF otherwise. That means for just a chance that a surrogate to carry a child for us, we would be out at least $10K. That's partly why we decided not to pursue fertility treatments -- it's just a chance of getting pregnant/having a child.
Anyway, after I explained surrogacy to her, she wrote back and let me know that she'd been considering surrogacy for us. That she was willing to carry a child for us if we decided to go that route. I was very touched that she'd offer. I don't feel it's the right direction for us, but to have that offer was a glimmer of hope of other options out there.
I know that Heavenly Father wants us to adopt and we just need to be patient and remember to listen and heed all the promptings we receive even if they seem like it's just us being paranoid. I had felt like I should have emailed the attorney Friday morning to check to see if he had received our profile, yet I thought I was being paranoid. Now I know that it was really a prompting. It's so easy to dismiss little promptings like that. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and while our path to have another child added to our family has been and continues to be long, I know that it'll end with a child in our arms.
Tuesday, we met with the director of our agency. We had been having issues with our caseworker and requested a change. He felt we should discuss things in person instead of just through the email I had sent. Seemed pointless to me, but we will be having a new caseworker soonish. I hope our new caseworker will be able to really get to know us and not just know us on paper like our last caseworker. There's a big difference between really knowing someone and just knowing them by what they wrote to answer their home study/getting to know us questions.
Then today, after I posted a thing on our adoption facebook page about others printing our profile, especially if they are in the health care field, I got a message from a facebook friend. I met this friend when I was pregnant with Brandon and have remained friends with her since. She asked if we had ever considered surrogacy. I told her that I had briefly thought about it, but that it didn't feel like the path we should pursue at this time. I also explained to her that surrogacy is essentially adoption whether or not the child being carried has the same genetics as the couple that is having the surrogate carry the child. By law, the child a surrogate carries is her child regardless of genetics. Adoption paperwork still has to be filled out and filed in order for that child to be the couple's child. Our insurance also will not cover IVF for surrogacy even though it covers IVF otherwise. That means for just a chance that a surrogate to carry a child for us, we would be out at least $10K. That's partly why we decided not to pursue fertility treatments -- it's just a chance of getting pregnant/having a child.
Anyway, after I explained surrogacy to her, she wrote back and let me know that she'd been considering surrogacy for us. That she was willing to carry a child for us if we decided to go that route. I was very touched that she'd offer. I don't feel it's the right direction for us, but to have that offer was a glimmer of hope of other options out there.
I know that Heavenly Father wants us to adopt and we just need to be patient and remember to listen and heed all the promptings we receive even if they seem like it's just us being paranoid. I had felt like I should have emailed the attorney Friday morning to check to see if he had received our profile, yet I thought I was being paranoid. Now I know that it was really a prompting. It's so easy to dismiss little promptings like that. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and while our path to have another child added to our family has been and continues to be long, I know that it'll end with a child in our arms.
Monday, July 19, 2010
My heart is broken (again)
This past weekend was so heart wrenching waiting to hear. It turns out that while we sent the email, the attorney actually never received it. That means that our profile was never even being considered and the birth parents have chosen another family. It gets even more interesting, though. The birth parents who absolutely did not want to work with an agency has in fact been working with an agency, so they most likely wouldn't have even been using the law firm for the adoption. My heart is broken. How many times does it have to be broken before our baby finds his/her way to our home?
--Tami
--Tami
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Adoption Ups and Downs
Thursday night I received a call from LDS Family Services about an adoption situation. She asked if we wanted to pursue it as it'd be a private adoption since the birth parents did not want to go through an agency. I felt like it might be something we should do, so I told her to send me the email regarding it and then I'd discuss it with Kevin.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Amazed at How Far He's Come
I meant to write about this sooner, but things have been kinda busy around here.
So, this past Saturday, our family was running errands and we went out to lunch at Five Guys Burgers and Fries while we were out. Kevin pointed out a mom at the next table over that was wearing an autism awareness t-shirt. It made me smile since when Brandon was younger, I kinda wanted to get one of those. Then a little bit later, we started to hear some shrieking coming from that table. I just laughed and told Kevin that now we knew which child it was that had autism. He mentioned that just prior to the child shrieking, he had been flapping his hands -- a common way that children with autism self-stimulate.
At that point, I realized just how noisy the restaurant actually was and was telling Kevin that it was probably too loud for the poor kid. That brought my thoughts back to when Brandon was two. We invited the extended family out to Red Robin for his birthday celebration. At that point in time, we didn't know he had autism. We were perplexed as to why he wouldn't sit down and eat. It wasn't just the normal bounciness of young children. He was pacing the table and making loud noises. We had never seen him acting so strange. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I can understand what was going on since we learned that he had autism. The restaurant was way too noisy for him. There were too many people, too much noise, and the lights were too bright for my little guy. He was majorly overstimulated and couldn't sit to eat, he needed to pace to cope with the sensory overload.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. The noise was not bothering him at all. He was sitting in his chair, eating his food, and being silly with Edward. I was just so amazed and so grateful that we were able to learn what was causing his odd behavior and that we were able to get him the help he needed so he can function so well now.
He still has times where he gets overstimulated and he'll shut down a bit now, but he's learned how to cope with it much easier.
Last night, we attended the Utah Symphony/Utah Opera's concert for families with children with autism. It was wonderful. A bit noisier and bouncier than other concerts we have attended, but it was so great to see all the children with autism enjoying a concert that they might not otherwise be able to attend due to their disability. Brandon loved being able to bounce during the William Tell Overture (as did a lot of the other children). Utah Symphony/Utah Opera put this on for free every year. They said that this was the 10th year they've done it and it was the first time we've attended it. Next year it'll be in January if any of you were wondering about next year's.
I'm very grateful for Brandon. His autism brings a new point of view on the world and I'm lucky to have been chosen to be his mother by a loving Heavenly Father.
So, this past Saturday, our family was running errands and we went out to lunch at Five Guys Burgers and Fries while we were out. Kevin pointed out a mom at the next table over that was wearing an autism awareness t-shirt. It made me smile since when Brandon was younger, I kinda wanted to get one of those. Then a little bit later, we started to hear some shrieking coming from that table. I just laughed and told Kevin that now we knew which child it was that had autism. He mentioned that just prior to the child shrieking, he had been flapping his hands -- a common way that children with autism self-stimulate.
At that point, I realized just how noisy the restaurant actually was and was telling Kevin that it was probably too loud for the poor kid. That brought my thoughts back to when Brandon was two. We invited the extended family out to Red Robin for his birthday celebration. At that point in time, we didn't know he had autism. We were perplexed as to why he wouldn't sit down and eat. It wasn't just the normal bounciness of young children. He was pacing the table and making loud noises. We had never seen him acting so strange. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I can understand what was going on since we learned that he had autism. The restaurant was way too noisy for him. There were too many people, too much noise, and the lights were too bright for my little guy. He was majorly overstimulated and couldn't sit to eat, he needed to pace to cope with the sensory overload.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. The noise was not bothering him at all. He was sitting in his chair, eating his food, and being silly with Edward. I was just so amazed and so grateful that we were able to learn what was causing his odd behavior and that we were able to get him the help he needed so he can function so well now.
He still has times where he gets overstimulated and he'll shut down a bit now, but he's learned how to cope with it much easier.
Last night, we attended the Utah Symphony/Utah Opera's concert for families with children with autism. It was wonderful. A bit noisier and bouncier than other concerts we have attended, but it was so great to see all the children with autism enjoying a concert that they might not otherwise be able to attend due to their disability. Brandon loved being able to bounce during the William Tell Overture (as did a lot of the other children). Utah Symphony/Utah Opera put this on for free every year. They said that this was the 10th year they've done it and it was the first time we've attended it. Next year it'll be in January if any of you were wondering about next year's.
I'm very grateful for Brandon. His autism brings a new point of view on the world and I'm lucky to have been chosen to be his mother by a loving Heavenly Father.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Little Ray of Hope
With it being so close to when I lost the twins, I was feeling pretty discouraged about the whole adoption stuff as well. At times it feels like it's not going anywhere.
The one expectant mother I was in contact with is leaning more towards parenting her baby instead of placing. I was also in contact with a different expectant mother through the same message board. She's expecting twin girls due in August and is pretty sure she's placing. However, she doesn't really respond to me when I message her to check how she's doing. So, she's either chosen another family and doesn't know how to tell me or she thinks I'm a psychopath. Either way, it'd be nice to get a response from her just telling me one way or another. Maybe she hasn't chosen a family yet and just doesn't want to really think about it. I don't know. I'm trying not to check on her too often since I don't want her to think I'm just trying to "steal" her babies or something.
Anyway, about the little ray of hope. I finally logged into my account to see how often my adoption profile has been view. The contact page is often not viewed. The last time I had logged in, it told me that it had been viewed 4 times and I knew at least one of those times had been me checking to make sure all the pages worked. This time when I logged in, it said that it had been viewed 9 times. That gives me a little bit of hope to know that expectant mothers who are considering placing for adoption are actually looking at our profile. I know that Heavenly Father's hand is in all of this, but it can get discouraging from time to time. I think the waiting is the hardest part. Prior to being approved for adoption, you at least have some control over how fast it'll be before being approved. The sooner you get everything done that you are supposed to, the sooner you'll be approved. The waiting, however, is just that, waiting and waiting and waiting. I hope that we are chosen soon.
The one expectant mother I was in contact with is leaning more towards parenting her baby instead of placing. I was also in contact with a different expectant mother through the same message board. She's expecting twin girls due in August and is pretty sure she's placing. However, she doesn't really respond to me when I message her to check how she's doing. So, she's either chosen another family and doesn't know how to tell me or she thinks I'm a psychopath. Either way, it'd be nice to get a response from her just telling me one way or another. Maybe she hasn't chosen a family yet and just doesn't want to really think about it. I don't know. I'm trying not to check on her too often since I don't want her to think I'm just trying to "steal" her babies or something.
Anyway, about the little ray of hope. I finally logged into my account to see how often my adoption profile has been view. The contact page is often not viewed. The last time I had logged in, it told me that it had been viewed 4 times and I knew at least one of those times had been me checking to make sure all the pages worked. This time when I logged in, it said that it had been viewed 9 times. That gives me a little bit of hope to know that expectant mothers who are considering placing for adoption are actually looking at our profile. I know that Heavenly Father's hand is in all of this, but it can get discouraging from time to time. I think the waiting is the hardest part. Prior to being approved for adoption, you at least have some control over how fast it'll be before being approved. The sooner you get everything done that you are supposed to, the sooner you'll be approved. The waiting, however, is just that, waiting and waiting and waiting. I hope that we are chosen soon.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mixed Feelings About Mother's Day
Every year as Mother's Day draws near, I start having very mixed emotions about it. It should be a joyous time when my children and husband show how much they appreciate me. It is that, but at the same time, it's a very, very hard day for me. Six years ago, I had to have an emergency D&C on Mother's Day. I had lost the twins I had been carrying. I didn't even know it was twins until I was losing them. I hadn't had my first appointment with my OB/GYN yet. I was only nine weeks along. That was on of the hardest things I have ever gone through, yet with the help of Heavenly Father, a worthy priesthood holder, and a wonderful blessing of comfort that helped me survive and continue on. I know that I'll be able to raise them someday.
Later that year, I got pregnant with my little Edward. He'll be five years old this July. It's weird to think that if I hadn't lost the twins, I wouldn't have my Edward. He's a joy in my life. He can always make me laugh.
Ironically enough, May 9th (which was Mother's Day in 2004) is also the day that Kevin was paralyzed many years previous. It's a very hard time for the both of us.
I was thinking about my lost babies last night and then today I found out that a friend of mine recently lost the twins she was pregnant with as well. She also had to have an emergency D&C and my heart just went out to her. While her pain is her own, I can fully empathize with her. Losing a child is really hard, no matter what age the child is. I will be praying for her to be able to get through this trial in her life.
Later that year, I got pregnant with my little Edward. He'll be five years old this July. It's weird to think that if I hadn't lost the twins, I wouldn't have my Edward. He's a joy in my life. He can always make me laugh.
Ironically enough, May 9th (which was Mother's Day in 2004) is also the day that Kevin was paralyzed many years previous. It's a very hard time for the both of us.
I was thinking about my lost babies last night and then today I found out that a friend of mine recently lost the twins she was pregnant with as well. She also had to have an emergency D&C and my heart just went out to her. While her pain is her own, I can fully empathize with her. Losing a child is really hard, no matter what age the child is. I will be praying for her to be able to get through this trial in her life.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Possibility
I spend some of my online time on a forum called diaperswappers. I started going there when I was cloth diapering Edward. Since I started sewing things geared towards cloth diapering mamas, I've stayed there ever since. They have a section there for adoption and foster care. An expectant mother posted that she's considering adoption. I responded to her thread helping to ease some of her fears. She was worried no one would want her child since her previous two children are special needs (autism and cerebal palsy).
I felt inspired to send her a private message including a link to Kevin and mine's adoptive couple profile. I didn't do it right away, I waited until the next day, as I was worried about overstepping the bounds of politeness. She read through our profile and said that while she hasn't made the decision to place just yet as she's only 7 weeks along, if she decides to place, she would definitely consider us. She loves that we already have children since it's important for her child to have siblings.
I don't know if anything will happen from it, but there is the possibility that it may.
I felt inspired to send her a private message including a link to Kevin and mine's adoptive couple profile. I didn't do it right away, I waited until the next day, as I was worried about overstepping the bounds of politeness. She read through our profile and said that while she hasn't made the decision to place just yet as she's only 7 weeks along, if she decides to place, she would definitely consider us. She loves that we already have children since it's important for her child to have siblings.
I don't know if anything will happen from it, but there is the possibility that it may.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Adoption Fundraising
If anyone out there that reads my blog would like to help support Kevin and I in our journey of adoption, you may do so by clicking on the below ChipIn button. It donates the money to our paypal account which will then be transfer to our savings account to stay until we are placed with a baby and need to pay the adoption fees. Thanks for your support!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Wisdom
Recently, I have been contemplating knowledge. What we learn here in this life is all we will be able to take with us. Yet at the same time, knowledge can be a dangerous thing if we decide we know more than Heavenly Father does.
A friend of mine recently had a discussion with me regarding this to some extent. She recently completed her bachelor's degree and for quite awhile was contemplating furthering her education. Life circumstances made it so that wasn't possible for the time being and then she decided that she really didn't want to, at least not yet. Anyway, in our discussion, she was telling me how many of her friends from college were agnostic. We talked about how we didn't understand how anyone could be. Either you believe in God or your don't. There really is no middle ground. She was telling me that her friends who were agnostic told her that she should understand since she's also of an academic mindset. There's no "proof" there's a God, they said. My friend told them that is what faith is all about. I don't think they saw her point.
Sadly, not too long after this conversation, my friend my decisions that don't make sense to me. She told me, even though she grew up believing such and such was wrong, that right now it's the right thing for her in her life. That just did not make any sense to me considering the conversation we had previously. It was said in an email so I emailed her back and asked her if she believed in anything at all anymore in lieu of our previous conversation regarding agnosticism. I haven't heard back from her since then. I believe I offended her. It seems that her knowledge has gotten in the way of her listening to the counsels of God. It really saddens me and I feel as if I've lost a friend. I'll be here for her if she needs me, but I don't agree with her choices and she knows it.
2 Nephi 9:28-29
"...the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." --2 Nephi 9:28-29 (bold and italics added by me)
WARNING: Below this line is hard stuff to read. Stop here if you don't want to deal with the hard stuff I've been through. There may also be a bit TMI (too much information) for some people. Life can be very hard and this is just one thing that I have had to endure. Secrets are not good to keep when trying to heal, even if they are things that are frowned upon being talked about in society.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another thing that has been on my mind recently is things of the past. Stuff that happened while I was in high school. I got into a relationship that was abusive in more ways than one. I didn't know how to get out, at the time I thought no one knew because no one ever said anything or told anyone else. How I wished that someone would get me help. No one ever did. Eventually, Heavenly Father helped me help myself out of the situation. A wonderful seminary teacher helped me gain some control over the situation without even knowing about it. I was still in the relationship, but I was able to be strong and put a stop to a lot of what had been going on. He left to go on a mission (not sure if he ever fully realized what he had done to me, that he was sexually abusing me/controlling me, I am unsure if he ever repented, but I forgive him). While he was gone on his mission I dated other people. Word got to him that I was dating others and he tried to control me and tell me I wasn't allowed to do that while he was gone. I was troubled by this. While reading in the doctrine and covenants one morning, I came across this scripture:
D&C 101:79
"Therefore, it is not right that any man should be in bondage one to another."
A light bulb moment. I wrote to him and cut off any possible future relationship with him. I had been in bondage and didn't realize it fully. At that point I was strong enough to get out completely and there was no way I was going to return to that type of relationship again.
I am a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse. What happened long ago has and is affecting my relationship with Kevin. I didn't fully realize it was because of the abuse until recently. I just thought I was abnormal in regards to intimacy. I don't have the desire for physical intimacy beyond hugs and kisses. It was more of a means to an end (pregnancy) or an obligation. Once that end was taken away, the slight desire that was their previously, vanished. I didn't love Kevin any less, but it hurt him tremendously. He didn't quite understand why I was further withdrawing intimately. I didn't really understand it and I didn't like it.
I prayed to Heavenly Father that He would help me to be able to have the desire to want to be more intimate with Kevin as it was killing me that I was hurting him that way and I was tired of feeling like I was abnormal -- a freak. It was one of my most earnest prayers. About a week later, an old online friend of Kevin's randomly popped up on his messenger. He hadn't seen her online for years, really since before Kevin and I had got married. They started talking and it was mentioned that she was a survivor of rape and what the stuff that she had to deal with in results with that. Kevin knew I had been sexually abused and so he wondered if my intimacy issues were related. He briefly talked to his friend about it and she made him realize that he needed to talk to me about it.
When Kevin asked me if maybe my problems with intimacy were related to the abuse, I brushed him off and just told him I was a freak. Later in the day, I started wondering if maybe there was a connection. I googled and found out that lack of desire or avoidance of sex is a very common problem that survivors of sexual abuse have among other things that I also had issues with. It was a light bulb moment.
I am now on a path to recovering even further than I had in the past. Kevin is being a good support. It's hard on him, but at least he is able to know that it's because of my past that I lack the desire and not because of him or me having an interest in anyone else. I am grateful for Heavenly Father hearing my prayer and helping me on the path to recovery and healing fully.
I have started sharing that I am a survivor. Sadly, many of my friends that I have talked to about this are also sexual abuse survivors. None of us knew that others were going through the same thing during that time period. Sexual abuse should not be a secret. Our society needs to have a louder voice on this subject so that victims do not feel they need to keep it a secret. It's such a taboo subject that should not be taboo. It happens. It may have happened to you, it may have happened to a friend, it may still happen to you or to a friend, and it may happen to your son or daughter. A book I'm reading on healing from sexual abuse says that 1 in 3 women have been victims of child sexual abuse and that statistic does not include those who have been sexually abused/raped in a dating relationship like I was. That is far too many. One is too many. Speaking out that I am a survivor is part of me healing. In this journey of sharing with friends, I learned that one of my friends knew and said nothing because she was afraid. It saddens me to know that someone could have helped me then and I wouldn't have had to suffer as much as I did if only they would have been brave. Keeping it a secret does no one any good.
I thank Heavenly Father for helping me to heal, directing my path to friends that can be a good support through this, directing me in choosing a good book to help me, and for directing Kevin to speak to me about it. It is only through Heavenly Father and the Savior that I will be able to fully heal from the sexual abuse I experienced while in high school.
A friend of mine recently had a discussion with me regarding this to some extent. She recently completed her bachelor's degree and for quite awhile was contemplating furthering her education. Life circumstances made it so that wasn't possible for the time being and then she decided that she really didn't want to, at least not yet. Anyway, in our discussion, she was telling me how many of her friends from college were agnostic. We talked about how we didn't understand how anyone could be. Either you believe in God or your don't. There really is no middle ground. She was telling me that her friends who were agnostic told her that she should understand since she's also of an academic mindset. There's no "proof" there's a God, they said. My friend told them that is what faith is all about. I don't think they saw her point.
Sadly, not too long after this conversation, my friend my decisions that don't make sense to me. She told me, even though she grew up believing such and such was wrong, that right now it's the right thing for her in her life. That just did not make any sense to me considering the conversation we had previously. It was said in an email so I emailed her back and asked her if she believed in anything at all anymore in lieu of our previous conversation regarding agnosticism. I haven't heard back from her since then. I believe I offended her. It seems that her knowledge has gotten in the way of her listening to the counsels of God. It really saddens me and I feel as if I've lost a friend. I'll be here for her if she needs me, but I don't agree with her choices and she knows it.
2 Nephi 9:28-29
"...the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." --2 Nephi 9:28-29 (bold and italics added by me)
WARNING: Below this line is hard stuff to read. Stop here if you don't want to deal with the hard stuff I've been through. There may also be a bit TMI (too much information) for some people. Life can be very hard and this is just one thing that I have had to endure. Secrets are not good to keep when trying to heal, even if they are things that are frowned upon being talked about in society.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another thing that has been on my mind recently is things of the past. Stuff that happened while I was in high school. I got into a relationship that was abusive in more ways than one. I didn't know how to get out, at the time I thought no one knew because no one ever said anything or told anyone else. How I wished that someone would get me help. No one ever did. Eventually, Heavenly Father helped me help myself out of the situation. A wonderful seminary teacher helped me gain some control over the situation without even knowing about it. I was still in the relationship, but I was able to be strong and put a stop to a lot of what had been going on. He left to go on a mission (not sure if he ever fully realized what he had done to me, that he was sexually abusing me/controlling me, I am unsure if he ever repented, but I forgive him). While he was gone on his mission I dated other people. Word got to him that I was dating others and he tried to control me and tell me I wasn't allowed to do that while he was gone. I was troubled by this. While reading in the doctrine and covenants one morning, I came across this scripture:
D&C 101:79
"Therefore, it is not right that any man should be in bondage one to another."
A light bulb moment. I wrote to him and cut off any possible future relationship with him. I had been in bondage and didn't realize it fully. At that point I was strong enough to get out completely and there was no way I was going to return to that type of relationship again.
I am a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse. What happened long ago has and is affecting my relationship with Kevin. I didn't fully realize it was because of the abuse until recently. I just thought I was abnormal in regards to intimacy. I don't have the desire for physical intimacy beyond hugs and kisses. It was more of a means to an end (pregnancy) or an obligation. Once that end was taken away, the slight desire that was their previously, vanished. I didn't love Kevin any less, but it hurt him tremendously. He didn't quite understand why I was further withdrawing intimately. I didn't really understand it and I didn't like it.
I prayed to Heavenly Father that He would help me to be able to have the desire to want to be more intimate with Kevin as it was killing me that I was hurting him that way and I was tired of feeling like I was abnormal -- a freak. It was one of my most earnest prayers. About a week later, an old online friend of Kevin's randomly popped up on his messenger. He hadn't seen her online for years, really since before Kevin and I had got married. They started talking and it was mentioned that she was a survivor of rape and what the stuff that she had to deal with in results with that. Kevin knew I had been sexually abused and so he wondered if my intimacy issues were related. He briefly talked to his friend about it and she made him realize that he needed to talk to me about it.
When Kevin asked me if maybe my problems with intimacy were related to the abuse, I brushed him off and just told him I was a freak. Later in the day, I started wondering if maybe there was a connection. I googled and found out that lack of desire or avoidance of sex is a very common problem that survivors of sexual abuse have among other things that I also had issues with. It was a light bulb moment.
I am now on a path to recovering even further than I had in the past. Kevin is being a good support. It's hard on him, but at least he is able to know that it's because of my past that I lack the desire and not because of him or me having an interest in anyone else. I am grateful for Heavenly Father hearing my prayer and helping me on the path to recovery and healing fully.
I have started sharing that I am a survivor. Sadly, many of my friends that I have talked to about this are also sexual abuse survivors. None of us knew that others were going through the same thing during that time period. Sexual abuse should not be a secret. Our society needs to have a louder voice on this subject so that victims do not feel they need to keep it a secret. It's such a taboo subject that should not be taboo. It happens. It may have happened to you, it may have happened to a friend, it may still happen to you or to a friend, and it may happen to your son or daughter. A book I'm reading on healing from sexual abuse says that 1 in 3 women have been victims of child sexual abuse and that statistic does not include those who have been sexually abused/raped in a dating relationship like I was. That is far too many. One is too many. Speaking out that I am a survivor is part of me healing. In this journey of sharing with friends, I learned that one of my friends knew and said nothing because she was afraid. It saddens me to know that someone could have helped me then and I wouldn't have had to suffer as much as I did if only they would have been brave. Keeping it a secret does no one any good.
I thank Heavenly Father for helping me to heal, directing my path to friends that can be a good support through this, directing me in choosing a good book to help me, and for directing Kevin to speak to me about it. It is only through Heavenly Father and the Savior that I will be able to fully heal from the sexual abuse I experienced while in high school.
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