It's almost a new month and...

November is

It's a month to help spread the word about adoption, a month to help others to be able to adopt by passing along profiles to friends and family, a month to help support expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child, and a month to help get rid of the negative connotations that surround adoption.

While November doesn't technically start until tomorrow, I figured I'd start a day early. Kevin and I are still waiting for a wonderful birth mother to choose us to place her baby with through adoption. We've been waiting for over a year. Through blessings of comfort, I've been promised that Heavenly Father is preparing a baby for us. In that blessing I was not told how soon that baby will be placed in our home, but I trust in my lovingly Heavenly Father and will wait patiently for the child that He is guiding to our home.

While I've been disappointed a lot through this waiting time in the adoption process, I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions, yet when I remember to turn to Heavenly Father in prayer, I am supported and lifted up through this trial -- this test of patience. The situation that I last posted about hasn't changed so far that I know of. The birth mother is choosing to not place her baby for adoption. This is her right to choose and I don't hold any hard feelings against her in the least. If I was in her place, I may choose the same as her. I wish she could understand that she most likely won't be able to parent her child since DSFS will be called.

Last night while I was waiting for trick or treaters to come to our house, I had a strong impression to fast and pray for this sweet birth mother in her time of need. She will be having her baby on Monday for certain (whether she's being induced or if it's by scheduled c-section, I'm unsure). As soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called and they will come and determine if this baby will for sure be going into the foster care system. From what I've learned, it's likely, but I don't know for sure. My heart goes out to her. To have your baby taken without really having a say would be hard. I am not sure if this birth mother will be able to receive inspiration that changes her mind, but either way, she'll be able to have the comfort and support of Heavenly Father due in part to me following the prompting to fast and pray for her. If she does end up choosing to place, it'd be nice if she chose us, but she may not and I'm okay with that. I know that Heavenly Father knows when the baby that's meant to be in our family will be here and I'm trusting in Him to help support us as we wait. It may be this baby and maybe we'll be surprised in a couple days with a call.

I have such a great love for any expectant mother who considers adoption for their child, whether they choose to place or parent. It's a tough decision. I respect those who choose to place their baby in order to give their baby a better life than if they chose to parent. At the same time as they are giving their baby a better life, they are also blessing an adoptive couple who in a lot of cases wouldn't be able to have a baby in their home. This is a great gift. These women have such a hard decision to make at a time when they may feel like they've already failed by being in the situation they are in. It is not okay for us to look down on women who choose to place. They are not taking the easy way out. They are thinking about their baby's future and what they want for that baby. They realize that they will not be able to provide the type of home they want for their baby and so they place their baby into a loving couple's arms; a couple who will be able to provide the type of home that they want their baby to have. If you know of anyone who is considering placing for adoption, please support them no matter what they decide to do. They need your love and support.

Never Ending Rollercoaster

Adoption is very hard emotionally. Never knowing when or if, for that matter, you'll be chosen by a birth mother. Throw in the fact occasionally, you actually know a birth mother is looking at your profile and then things get crazy.

Several months ago we had decided to send our profile to birth parents in another state. This one would have been a private adoption through an attorney instead of through our agency. We waited all weekend to hear if we were chosen. When we got an email back from the attorney, it turned out he had never received our email with the profile in it even though my email had it in the "sent" folder. That was heart breaking.

So, then our year mark of waiting rolls around. We had to have the agency come back to our house to update our home study. The whirlwind of making sure everything is in order was just crazy.

Fast forward to last Thursday night while at one of my boys' soccer games. I get a phone call from my friend that is a social worker at a hospital. She calls to let me know that there is an expectant mother who is considering placing for adoption and she's due Oct 31st with a baby girl. She tells me that she'll be calling LDSFS in the morning to have them come and speak with her. Since the hospital is about 30 minutes north of here, the LDSFS she would be calling would not have our profile. I email our caseworker and she told me that in order for my profile to be included, I'd have to drive it up there.

Friday afternoon, I drive it up. Friday night, the expectant mother has talked with LDSFS and has agreed to look at profiles. Our profile was in her hand. All weekend goes by -- we hear nothing regarding the situation. Wednesday rolls around and I talk with my friend. She will be working that day and said she'd check into the situation.

After she checks into the situation, I learn more about what's going on and the situation in general. The expectant mom (e-mom) was abused and dropped on her head as a child. She was put into foster care, but is now 18, so she's out of the system. Her mental state isn't completely there due to the abuse. The social workers at the hospital are worried she would be neglectful of the baby and will call DCFS if she chooses not to place the baby for adoption.

So, the bio mom of the e-mom randomly comes back into the picture this past weekend. She promises the e-mom that she will get an apartment and they can all live together and she will take care of the baby. Because of the past abuse, this won't be allowed, yet somehow e-mom decides that is what she'll do. She tells LDSFS that she'll be having her bio mom take care of the baby and isn't going to place for adoption. LDSFS takes the profiles back unless e-mom decides she wants to consider adoption again. LDSFS is checking in with the e-mom daily, but at the moment it sounds like as soon as the baby is born, DCFS will be called. They will come and assess the situation and most likely put the baby into foster care. If the birth mother can't follow through on things (which is very likely she won't), then the baby will be placed for adoption through the foster/adopt program and it'll be a closed adoption where the e-mom won't have contact with the baby.

If she decides she wants to place, then she can choose an open adoption and at least get pictures and letters. We are willing to have even have visits with her at a neutral place (park, restaurant, mall, etc), but she won't have that if DCFS takes the baby.

It's just so frustrating to know that this baby is being born into such a hard situation. My heart goes out to the e-mom being in such a situation. I just hope she'll be able to finally understand the seriousness of her situation and decide to look at profiles again. She's due this Sunday, she doesn't have much time, even if she does go over her due date. It'd be easier for me to know that the baby was going to another family than to know that it'll go into the foster system.

As you can tell, just this past week has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no idea when this portion of the ups and downs will come to an end, but I have a feeling that this is not the end of our adoption roller coaster.