We finally have our adoption profile up online. It took me calling our new caseworker and asking her when the profile would be up before she looked it over even though I told her two weeks ago that we had finished everything on there and it was ready to be published.
So here's the info:
This is our adoption profile ID: 23392899
This is the site it's on: http://itsaboutlove.org
This is the direct URL to it: https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23392899/ourMessage.jsf
Please pass the info on if you hear of anyone who is thinking of placing.
Kevin and I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers as we go through the adoption journey.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Approved!
It took awhile for us to get everything done that we needed to, but we are now finally approved for adoption. It'll take them a bit to get our profile online, but once it's there, I'll be sure to pass on the link.
I'm so excited to now really start the process of waiting. We've done all we can and now we can only pray and wait for a birth mother to choose to place her baby with our family.
The boys aren't quite understanding that it can take awhile. They keep thinking every time I've had to drive to the agency to drop off paperwork that we'll get a baby. I have to keep explaining that I don't know when we will get to have a baby placed with us, but that it could be a long time still. They are just excited to finally have another sibling.
I'm so excited to now really start the process of waiting. We've done all we can and now we can only pray and wait for a birth mother to choose to place her baby with our family.
The boys aren't quite understanding that it can take awhile. They keep thinking every time I've had to drive to the agency to drop off paperwork that we'll get a baby. I have to keep explaining that I don't know when we will get to have a baby placed with us, but that it could be a long time still. They are just excited to finally have another sibling.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Summer Regression
Every summer, I get to witness Brandon regress more into his autistic self than he is during the school year. The structure of school helps him so tremendously. I attempt to help him during the summer by doing school work stuff with him at home, yet without fail, he regresses.
He's back to being more non-verbal. We get a lot of grunting, screaming and whining. He'll come out of this for at least part of every day, using verbal language to really communicate. If anything upsets him, though, he goes back into the shell his autistic world provides him. I'm sure it provides some sort of protection for him, even though most of the time, it's not really necessary. It gets really tiring to listen to the tantrums that ensue just because I told him he needed to get dressed for the day or various other small things that shouldn't set him off, but do. It's not like I give in when he tantrums. Autistic tantrums are not the same thing as typical children's tantrums.
Typical children will tantrum, but will stop when they realize that it's not getting them what they wanted. Tantrums from an autistic child are nightmares. They don't end, there's not much a parent can do to help them stop. Brandon pretty much as to just work it out himself. All I can do is make sure he's in a safe area and let him be until he is able to finally calm down. On average they last about twenty minutes; sometimes much longer, sometimes less.
Brandon used to not functionally speak. He had words he would say, but they were just echolalia (repeating what we said). We did a therapy called floortime with him to help bring him out of himself into the rest of the world where communication is necessary. Through play, we helped him to recognize that words actually do have meaning. We would tickle him (something he loves) and then stop, waiting for some type of communication from him. Whether or not we would get that communication, we would start again and then stop, waiting once more. He would finally understand and start to make eye contact with a gleam when he wanted more, then we wouldn't accept that as enough to do it again, we requested words such as "more" or "again". It was amazing to see him come out of himself into our world.
Today was one of those days where he actually came into the real world, bring back floortime techniques. We were at Flip's Gym for Edward's class. Brandon was kinda grumpy about having to sit there and watch. He had hidden himself under a chair to try to hide that he was sucking on his finger (another regression thing). I playfully reached down and tickled him. He looked up at me with bright eyes and made a tickling motion with his fingers. I wasn't going to let him get away with just that since he's fully capable of full sentences now. I asked him where his words were. He kept making the tickling motion and eventually said, "Tickle me." Not a great sentence, but one all the same. I tickled him again and stopped. We did this back and forth over about ten minutes. At the end he was actually asking, "Can I have more tickles, please?"
He's capable of so much. Occassionally, we have amazing conversations. It's just so hard to pull him out of his little world to communicate more than a couple turns of conversation. I often wonder what goes on in his head and if he'll be able to function in society when he's grown. Will he be able to be one of the autists that are able to make a difference like Temple Grandin has done? I don't know and that is scary in some ways.
He's so close to being typical that most people can't tell that he has autism. Most of his autistic behavior happens at home. School still sees it, of course, since Spectrum really knows about autism, but the general public have no clue. This is great, but it can make it all the harder since others will expect more out of him than he may be able to give. Small things can set off the randomness that autism is. I'm so grateful to be chosen to raise this special child, to be trusted in helping him reach his full potential.
He's back to being more non-verbal. We get a lot of grunting, screaming and whining. He'll come out of this for at least part of every day, using verbal language to really communicate. If anything upsets him, though, he goes back into the shell his autistic world provides him. I'm sure it provides some sort of protection for him, even though most of the time, it's not really necessary. It gets really tiring to listen to the tantrums that ensue just because I told him he needed to get dressed for the day or various other small things that shouldn't set him off, but do. It's not like I give in when he tantrums. Autistic tantrums are not the same thing as typical children's tantrums.
Typical children will tantrum, but will stop when they realize that it's not getting them what they wanted. Tantrums from an autistic child are nightmares. They don't end, there's not much a parent can do to help them stop. Brandon pretty much as to just work it out himself. All I can do is make sure he's in a safe area and let him be until he is able to finally calm down. On average they last about twenty minutes; sometimes much longer, sometimes less.
Brandon used to not functionally speak. He had words he would say, but they were just echolalia (repeating what we said). We did a therapy called floortime with him to help bring him out of himself into the rest of the world where communication is necessary. Through play, we helped him to recognize that words actually do have meaning. We would tickle him (something he loves) and then stop, waiting for some type of communication from him. Whether or not we would get that communication, we would start again and then stop, waiting once more. He would finally understand and start to make eye contact with a gleam when he wanted more, then we wouldn't accept that as enough to do it again, we requested words such as "more" or "again". It was amazing to see him come out of himself into our world.
Today was one of those days where he actually came into the real world, bring back floortime techniques. We were at Flip's Gym for Edward's class. Brandon was kinda grumpy about having to sit there and watch. He had hidden himself under a chair to try to hide that he was sucking on his finger (another regression thing). I playfully reached down and tickled him. He looked up at me with bright eyes and made a tickling motion with his fingers. I wasn't going to let him get away with just that since he's fully capable of full sentences now. I asked him where his words were. He kept making the tickling motion and eventually said, "Tickle me." Not a great sentence, but one all the same. I tickled him again and stopped. We did this back and forth over about ten minutes. At the end he was actually asking, "Can I have more tickles, please?"
He's capable of so much. Occassionally, we have amazing conversations. It's just so hard to pull him out of his little world to communicate more than a couple turns of conversation. I often wonder what goes on in his head and if he'll be able to function in society when he's grown. Will he be able to be one of the autists that are able to make a difference like Temple Grandin has done? I don't know and that is scary in some ways.
He's so close to being typical that most people can't tell that he has autism. Most of his autistic behavior happens at home. School still sees it, of course, since Spectrum really knows about autism, but the general public have no clue. This is great, but it can make it all the harder since others will expect more out of him than he may be able to give. Small things can set off the randomness that autism is. I'm so grateful to be chosen to raise this special child, to be trusted in helping him reach his full potential.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Adoption Seminar
LDS Family Services used to do the adoption classes over 7 weeks, one-two hours on the same night each week. They've recently changed it to be an adoption seminar. Last Friday we were there from 9:30 am until 9pm at night. We learned about the adoption process, discussed the grieving/loss process (stages of grief -denial, anger, etc.), how that process relates to infertility, and then had a birth parent panel.
We learned that LDS Family services doesn't really push one way or the other about parenting or placing. They try to help the birth mothers to focus on what's best for the baby. Not all the birth mothers that come through LDSFS are LDS and may not have the mentality that having a child in a home where the parents have been sealed is best. They try to talk to them about what their plans are for the future. They do a timeline type thing of the future and if their baby doesn't fit into that plan, they help them to re-evaluate. Is it really best for the baby to be in home where there was a plan w/o them there? or is it better for them to be in a home that the plan would involve a baby. Some choose to parent in the end, others choose to place.
Birth mothers who have recently placed their baby for adoption came and spoke with us along with their mothers (birth grandmothers). One girl had recently turned 17 (16 when pregnant, gave birth and placed) and the other had recently turned 19 (18 when pregnant, gave birth, and placed). They both had different stories.
The younger one had actually chosen to parent at first. It was after her father blessed the baby that she had a strong prompting that the baby was not hers, that it belonged to another family that had been sealed as she could not do that. Her baby was three months old when she made the decision to place.
The older one chose to place along the process. She developed a pretty close relationship with the adoptive couple. She placed back in March, and even now, the adoptive couple is willing for her to come to their house when she wants.
Both of the girls were actually given that invitation about visiting. The thing that amazed me about both of them is that they are both able to realize they need to step back so that the adoptive couple will be able to be a family for the baby and also so that they can move on with their lives. They are able to show respect for the adoptive couple. That truly amazed me.
Another thing that amazed me was that the birth grandmothers seemed to have a harder time with it than the birth mothers did. I think it's probably because both of the birth mothers were prompted and knew what couple the baby was supposed to go to.
I definitely have a greater respect for birth mothers than I had previously. I mean, I had respect before, but after actually hearing a couple of their stories and feeling how strong the spirit was, it's just amazing.
On Saturday, we continued the seminar. There was an adoptive couples panel. One of them is actually in the process of adopting again. It was also neat to hear from their side. They also had promptings to let them know which birth mother that contacted them was the one carrying the baby that was for their family. It was really amazing.
Saturday also went into the legalities of adoption and we had a processing session of the day before. Then it was more of going over our making our profiles and such.
On Friday, during the birth mother panel, Kevin was able to receive the confirmation that adoption is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. He had been prompted to get the adoption application, but that was it. He said he was going through with it more because of me, but after that birth parent panel, he KNEW it was what we needed to do. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father gave him that confirmation.
We learned that LDS Family services doesn't really push one way or the other about parenting or placing. They try to help the birth mothers to focus on what's best for the baby. Not all the birth mothers that come through LDSFS are LDS and may not have the mentality that having a child in a home where the parents have been sealed is best. They try to talk to them about what their plans are for the future. They do a timeline type thing of the future and if their baby doesn't fit into that plan, they help them to re-evaluate. Is it really best for the baby to be in home where there was a plan w/o them there? or is it better for them to be in a home that the plan would involve a baby. Some choose to parent in the end, others choose to place.
Birth mothers who have recently placed their baby for adoption came and spoke with us along with their mothers (birth grandmothers). One girl had recently turned 17 (16 when pregnant, gave birth and placed) and the other had recently turned 19 (18 when pregnant, gave birth, and placed). They both had different stories.
The younger one had actually chosen to parent at first. It was after her father blessed the baby that she had a strong prompting that the baby was not hers, that it belonged to another family that had been sealed as she could not do that. Her baby was three months old when she made the decision to place.
The older one chose to place along the process. She developed a pretty close relationship with the adoptive couple. She placed back in March, and even now, the adoptive couple is willing for her to come to their house when she wants.
Both of the girls were actually given that invitation about visiting. The thing that amazed me about both of them is that they are both able to realize they need to step back so that the adoptive couple will be able to be a family for the baby and also so that they can move on with their lives. They are able to show respect for the adoptive couple. That truly amazed me.
Another thing that amazed me was that the birth grandmothers seemed to have a harder time with it than the birth mothers did. I think it's probably because both of the birth mothers were prompted and knew what couple the baby was supposed to go to.
I definitely have a greater respect for birth mothers than I had previously. I mean, I had respect before, but after actually hearing a couple of their stories and feeling how strong the spirit was, it's just amazing.
On Saturday, we continued the seminar. There was an adoptive couples panel. One of them is actually in the process of adopting again. It was also neat to hear from their side. They also had promptings to let them know which birth mother that contacted them was the one carrying the baby that was for their family. It was really amazing.
Saturday also went into the legalities of adoption and we had a processing session of the day before. Then it was more of going over our making our profiles and such.
On Friday, during the birth mother panel, Kevin was able to receive the confirmation that adoption is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. He had been prompted to get the adoption application, but that was it. He said he was going through with it more because of me, but after that birth parent panel, he KNEW it was what we needed to do. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father gave him that confirmation.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Intake Interview
Well, we passed! We meet the requirements for the state and LDS Family Services to adopt. Now the real work begins on the process.
We have a questionnaire to fill out and return about ourselves. Then we'll be able to have our home study done. We are going to be going to the adoption classes next Friday and Saturday. Both days are all day workshop type things and they are up in Layton. It starts at 9am, which means, we'll have to be leaving here pretty early. Gotta find someone willing to watch our boys all day long for those two days. I thought we would have to wait until the classes in August, but they are allowing us to get in to the ones next week.
I now really understand why I felt such a strong impression that we needed to get our application turned in soon last month. Apparently, LDS Family Services will be changing the fee structure within the next month or so. We are getting in under the old fees which are much less than the new fees will be. I don't think we would have been able to afford to adopt if the fees had already changed. I'm so grateful for the prompting and that I listened to it.
We also have a lovely background check to get done and have to get certified copies of our birth certificate and marriage certificate. Then we all have to get a physical and have our doctors fill in a form.
We have a questionnaire to fill out and return about ourselves. Then we'll be able to have our home study done. We are going to be going to the adoption classes next Friday and Saturday. Both days are all day workshop type things and they are up in Layton. It starts at 9am, which means, we'll have to be leaving here pretty early. Gotta find someone willing to watch our boys all day long for those two days. I thought we would have to wait until the classes in August, but they are allowing us to get in to the ones next week.
I now really understand why I felt such a strong impression that we needed to get our application turned in soon last month. Apparently, LDS Family Services will be changing the fee structure within the next month or so. We are getting in under the old fees which are much less than the new fees will be. I don't think we would have been able to afford to adopt if the fees had already changed. I'm so grateful for the prompting and that I listened to it.
We also have a lovely background check to get done and have to get certified copies of our birth certificate and marriage certificate. Then we all have to get a physical and have our doctors fill in a form.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Progress
I was starting to wonder if LDS Family Services had even received our application as I hadn't heard anything from them since we mailed it in. Today, while I was out running a couple of errands, they of course, called and left a message.
I called them back to schedule the intake interview, but of course, by that time he was out to lunch so I had to leave a message. He called back once he got back from lunch and we set up a time for us to come in. Our intake interview is bright and early Friday morning at 8am! We are asked to bring our driver's licenses and social security cards so they can run a background check on us. No fears there. I'm just glad that the process is progressing after wondering if it was ever going to start.
I called them back to schedule the intake interview, but of course, by that time he was out to lunch so I had to leave a message. He called back once he got back from lunch and we set up a time for us to come in. Our intake interview is bright and early Friday morning at 8am! We are asked to bring our driver's licenses and social security cards so they can run a background check on us. No fears there. I'm just glad that the process is progressing after wondering if it was ever going to start.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
So, it begins
Kevin had stuck an envelope from LDS Family Services in my stocking this past Christmas. I was so excited as we had been trying for another little one for quite some time. Our recommends however lapsed and it took us awhile to get in to get them renewed. One thing or another always seemed to come up when we were planning on going in. Finally, we got them renewed. Having a current temple recommend is a requirement to be able to adopt through LDS Family Services.
At that point, I started hesitating. I had felt so strongly it was what Heavenly Father had wanted us to do, but then doubts started to enter my mind. So, we waited. The papers sat on our desk fully filled out just waiting for us to have the faith leap into the adoption process.
During a temple endowment session right before stake conference, I was again prompted that the way to add to our family was through adoption this time around. Again during the adult session of stake conference I received the prompting. I realized that we hadn't signed the papers yet. They were all filled out, but not signed. I kept asking Kevin look them over as up to that point it had only been me who had really read the info and filled out the forms. He kept forgetting.
I told him he needed to get it done before he left on his mini vacation. He of course waited until the night before he left to read over it and sign it. I mailed it off on Friday and it should be reaching the Centerville office the beginning of this week.
So, now the process begins. The process of doing an intake interview, the home study, adoption classes, and then waiting for a birth mother to choose us to adopt her child. I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. It's been three years this month since we started trying for another one. I never dreamed I would experience the pain of infertility. Just another lesson learned that what we have planned for our lives isn't always what Heavenly Father has planned.
Of course after having the faith to finally mail them in and take the leap into the adoption process, I began having doubts again today. During sacrament meeting today the autism that causes Brandon to think differently became a problem. I love that he thinks differently, but there are times that him thinking differently is a bad thing. He sees the world so differently than most of us. He has a really hard time seeing how others may possibly be seeing them. He will never back down when he thinks he's right. This will almost always lead to some sort of tantrum.
Today, it began with Edward laying his head down on my lap. Doesn't seem like a problem, right? Well, it was, because his head was slightly over my lap and barely touching Brandon's leg. That was just not right for Brandon. He started to complain about it. Trying to keep him from esclating to one of his tantrums, I nicely told him to scoot over. We had an entire center pew to ourselves, so there was plenty of room for him to scoot over. He of course, refused, because he was right. Ed's head should not be touching him at all. So, again, trying to stop it from escalating, I scooted Ed and me over the other way. Brandon of course had to be close to me, so he scooted closer. Guess what?? That meant Ed's head was once again touching his leg! ARGH! So, I spent the majority of Sacrament meeting trying to keep Ed on one side of me (easy to do, he didn't want Brandon to touch him), and Brandon on the other side (very difficult, as he was now in full blown mode of being right and would only do what his brain told him was the right thing, which was to bother Ed since Ed had bothered him).
Of course I'm not sure what really goes through Brandon's head. I just see it from the outside. He views things so differently that it's hard for me to even fathom what he's actually thinking in situations like this.
Ganel-Lyn was a life saver to me today. She came over right after Brandon finally broke through and tackled Ed. I was pulling them apart when she came and asked if Ed would like to go sit with them. He of course wanted to get away from Brandon and thought it was a great idea. I pulled Brandon out into the hall after that and attempted to get him to sit. He's just too big and strong now for me to get him to calm down the ways I used to. He just fights it every step of the way until, in his mind, he wins. He ran from me, and ran into the other entrance to the chapel, back into our pew. Ed was then safe at that point, so I just ignored Brandon. I took my time, went and got a drink, and came back to sit down. I ignored Brandon's antics. He then left the chapel, either to use the restroom or get a drink; I'm not sure. When he came back, he was back to normal, good natured Brandon. He asked to color and was well behaved the rest of the time.
Something just gets into his head and he has to win. Once he wins, he's able to return to being "normal". We have so much less episodes like this now than when he was younger, thank goodness. We have worked hard to help him learn how to adapt to typical society, but the autism wins out every now and then. When it does, that is when I start doubting bringing another child into our family. Yet, even as I type, I receive a strong affirmation from the Spirit that we are supposed to adopt. It feels great to know that we are following the plan Heavenly Father has for us, even though it is not the plan we had envisioned.
At that point, I started hesitating. I had felt so strongly it was what Heavenly Father had wanted us to do, but then doubts started to enter my mind. So, we waited. The papers sat on our desk fully filled out just waiting for us to have the faith leap into the adoption process.
During a temple endowment session right before stake conference, I was again prompted that the way to add to our family was through adoption this time around. Again during the adult session of stake conference I received the prompting. I realized that we hadn't signed the papers yet. They were all filled out, but not signed. I kept asking Kevin look them over as up to that point it had only been me who had really read the info and filled out the forms. He kept forgetting.
I told him he needed to get it done before he left on his mini vacation. He of course waited until the night before he left to read over it and sign it. I mailed it off on Friday and it should be reaching the Centerville office the beginning of this week.
So, now the process begins. The process of doing an intake interview, the home study, adoption classes, and then waiting for a birth mother to choose us to adopt her child. I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. It's been three years this month since we started trying for another one. I never dreamed I would experience the pain of infertility. Just another lesson learned that what we have planned for our lives isn't always what Heavenly Father has planned.
Of course after having the faith to finally mail them in and take the leap into the adoption process, I began having doubts again today. During sacrament meeting today the autism that causes Brandon to think differently became a problem. I love that he thinks differently, but there are times that him thinking differently is a bad thing. He sees the world so differently than most of us. He has a really hard time seeing how others may possibly be seeing them. He will never back down when he thinks he's right. This will almost always lead to some sort of tantrum.
Today, it began with Edward laying his head down on my lap. Doesn't seem like a problem, right? Well, it was, because his head was slightly over my lap and barely touching Brandon's leg. That was just not right for Brandon. He started to complain about it. Trying to keep him from esclating to one of his tantrums, I nicely told him to scoot over. We had an entire center pew to ourselves, so there was plenty of room for him to scoot over. He of course, refused, because he was right. Ed's head should not be touching him at all. So, again, trying to stop it from escalating, I scooted Ed and me over the other way. Brandon of course had to be close to me, so he scooted closer. Guess what?? That meant Ed's head was once again touching his leg! ARGH! So, I spent the majority of Sacrament meeting trying to keep Ed on one side of me (easy to do, he didn't want Brandon to touch him), and Brandon on the other side (very difficult, as he was now in full blown mode of being right and would only do what his brain told him was the right thing, which was to bother Ed since Ed had bothered him).
Of course I'm not sure what really goes through Brandon's head. I just see it from the outside. He views things so differently that it's hard for me to even fathom what he's actually thinking in situations like this.
Ganel-Lyn was a life saver to me today. She came over right after Brandon finally broke through and tackled Ed. I was pulling them apart when she came and asked if Ed would like to go sit with them. He of course wanted to get away from Brandon and thought it was a great idea. I pulled Brandon out into the hall after that and attempted to get him to sit. He's just too big and strong now for me to get him to calm down the ways I used to. He just fights it every step of the way until, in his mind, he wins. He ran from me, and ran into the other entrance to the chapel, back into our pew. Ed was then safe at that point, so I just ignored Brandon. I took my time, went and got a drink, and came back to sit down. I ignored Brandon's antics. He then left the chapel, either to use the restroom or get a drink; I'm not sure. When he came back, he was back to normal, good natured Brandon. He asked to color and was well behaved the rest of the time.
Something just gets into his head and he has to win. Once he wins, he's able to return to being "normal". We have so much less episodes like this now than when he was younger, thank goodness. We have worked hard to help him learn how to adapt to typical society, but the autism wins out every now and then. When it does, that is when I start doubting bringing another child into our family. Yet, even as I type, I receive a strong affirmation from the Spirit that we are supposed to adopt. It feels great to know that we are following the plan Heavenly Father has for us, even though it is not the plan we had envisioned.
Monday, April 13, 2009
April is Autism Awareness Month
This year I will be joining other parents, teachers, and other supporters of autism in the Walk Now for Autism event at UVU on May 2nd. Please help this great cause by donating. I personally am trying to raise $250 before May 2nd. It is a tax deductible donation if anyone was wondering.
Click Here to Donate
Click Here to Donate
Monday, March 9, 2009
Neat blog
So, I was watching Good Things Utah today and they featured a blog that does free give aways everyday. Check it out: http://giveawaytoday.blogspot.com/
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