After my last post, I was surprised by the sense of peace I was able to have concerning everything. I know that it was through my prayers and the prayers of others that I was strengthened to be able to carry on relatively quick.
Tuesday, we met with the director of our agency. We had been having issues with our caseworker and requested a change. He felt we should discuss things in person instead of just through the email I had sent. Seemed pointless to me, but we will be having a new caseworker soonish. I hope our new caseworker will be able to really get to know us and not just know us on paper like our last caseworker. There's a big difference between really knowing someone and just knowing them by what they wrote to answer their home study/getting to know us questions.
Then today, after I posted a thing on our adoption facebook page about others printing our profile, especially if they are in the health care field, I got a message from a facebook friend. I met this friend when I was pregnant with Brandon and have remained friends with her since. She asked if we had ever considered surrogacy. I told her that I had briefly thought about it, but that it didn't feel like the path we should pursue at this time. I also explained to her that surrogacy is essentially adoption whether or not the child being carried has the same genetics as the couple that is having the surrogate carry the child. By law, the child a surrogate carries is her child regardless of genetics. Adoption paperwork still has to be filled out and filed in order for that child to be the couple's child. Our insurance also will not cover IVF for surrogacy even though it covers IVF otherwise. That means for just a chance that a surrogate to carry a child for us, we would be out at least $10K. That's partly why we decided not to pursue fertility treatments -- it's just a chance of getting pregnant/having a child.
Anyway, after I explained surrogacy to her, she wrote back and let me know that she'd been considering surrogacy for us. That she was willing to carry a child for us if we decided to go that route. I was very touched that she'd offer. I don't feel it's the right direction for us, but to have that offer was a glimmer of hope of other options out there.
I know that Heavenly Father wants us to adopt and we just need to be patient and remember to listen and heed all the promptings we receive even if they seem like it's just us being paranoid. I had felt like I should have emailed the attorney Friday morning to check to see if he had received our profile, yet I thought I was being paranoid. Now I know that it was really a prompting. It's so easy to dismiss little promptings like that. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and while our path to have another child added to our family has been and continues to be long, I know that it'll end with a child in our arms.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
My heart is broken (again)
This past weekend was so heart wrenching waiting to hear. It turns out that while we sent the email, the attorney actually never received it. That means that our profile was never even being considered and the birth parents have chosen another family. It gets even more interesting, though. The birth parents who absolutely did not want to work with an agency has in fact been working with an agency, so they most likely wouldn't have even been using the law firm for the adoption. My heart is broken. How many times does it have to be broken before our baby finds his/her way to our home?
--Tami
--Tami
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Adoption Ups and Downs
Thursday night I received a call from LDS Family Services about an adoption situation. She asked if we wanted to pursue it as it'd be a private adoption since the birth parents did not want to go through an agency. I felt like it might be something we should do, so I told her to send me the email regarding it and then I'd discuss it with Kevin.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
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