It seems like every day I hear of one or two people who I know that are pregnant. Yes, I'm happy for them, but also insanely jealous. While I've had the wonderful blessing to carry two children to term, my heart hurts that I'll never have that blessing again. It's so hard to offer my congrats to them when I know that I can't join them.
We were led by a loving Heavenly Father to adoption as a way to help our family grow. Adoption really is a wonderful thing, but it's hard to wait and it's hard to hear the voices of those who are completely against adoption. My mom recently tried to give a pass along card to an old youth Sunday school teacher of mine and she refused it. Apparently her daughter recently placed for adoption and now she is bitter that her daughter did so. She thinks that she should have been able to save the day and raise her grandchild, but somewhere in her head she knew that wouldn't be fair to the child since she's in her fifties already.
I cling to the promise I received in a blessing that Heavenly Father is preparing a baby for us. It's the only hope I have left of having another baby join our family. Still, it's a matter of when and that I don't know the answer to. While reading an adoption blog I ran across this quote from President Uctdorf:
"Patience is not passive resignation nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can-working, hoping, exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our heart are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring, it is enduring well!"
I am trying to do what he says patience is, but it is very hard. It's especially hard when it's such a righteous desire to have our family grow. We are doing all we can to try to help the situation. We have an adoption blog, we sent out adoption pass along cards to everyone we sent a Christmas card to, I've been leaving those same cards everywhere (with the check at restaurants, the laundromat, etc), we have a facebook page regarding our adoption, and I've been handing out the cards to other people I run across as has Kevin, and we are praying. There's not really anything else we can do at the moment unless someone gifts us with a lot of money so we can use multiple agencies. For the time being,we have to stay with LDS Family Services to adopt. Enduring this trial can be very hard, but I know with the Lord's help, we'll get through it and eventually have another little one in our family.
