So, last Sunday, I decided to finally write in my journal again (my paper one, not a blog). Before I started writing I read my patriarchal blessing. I was reminded of some things that helped me understand the reason behind my struggle with infertility. I felt reassured that I will have another one someday. Of course who knows when that will be. Soon in my mind is definitely not the same soon that Heavenly Father keeps telling me it will be. Sometimes I just wish I understood His timing a bit more. What does "soon" really mean to one who can see the past, present, and future in the same moment?
This past week, I learned that someone else is pregnant. I'm really happy for her knowing that she miscarried earlier this year. Yet at the same time, it's still a bit hard to hear about it when it's taken so long for us to get pregnant this time around. It's a bit hard for me every time I go to church and see the newborns and the pregnant bellies. How I long to experience that again!
And while I long to have another baby, I am truly grateful for my two wonderful boys that Heavenly Father has already blessed me with. They are a joy in my life. Even when Ed's creating some new disaster for me to clean up, I love being a mom (granted I'm not always happy to find a new toilet paper roll completely unrolled yet again). The curiosity that Edward has amazes me. He just has to do things to discover how things work. I can't believe he's going to be three next month. He has totally grown up way too fast.
Speaking of him growing up so fast, Edward is now potty learned (trained) pretty much completely, even over night. It was so much easier than Brandon. I didn't push him, let him go when he wanted to and then encouraged him when he decided he wanted to wear undies instead of diapers. I made him wear a diaper to bed the first two nights and he was kicking and screaming about it. So, on the third night when he wanted to just wear undies I decided I'd let him. He woke up dry. I was so amazed. He's only had one night accident since then and he's been in big boy undies for almost three weeks now. He's so amazing.
Of course with him being potty learned that means my cute fluff (cloth diapers) are sitting there not getting the love they deserve. I've been debating on if I should sell them now or wait. I just hate stuff sitting around not being used, but I know we are trying for another baby. It's now just over two years since we've been trying so it makes it harder for me to want to hold onto it, not knowing just when I'll get to use it again. For the time being I'm going to keep it, I think. In my head I've given a deadline for keeping/selling it. If I'm not pregnant by the end of the year, then I think I'll sell it off. I can always buy more at a later time. We'll see how I feel about it at that time. Since we aren't using them at the moment, I should take pics of my entire stash of cloth diapers. I love them all!
1 comment:
Congrats on the potty success! It always feels so good to have one less kid that you have to change.
I'm really proud of your perspective and patience. It is so difficult to wait for the Lord's timetable, but just acknowledging the fact that it is HIS timetable and not ours, can be a big comfort sometimes, I think. I had an institute teacher that said "The Lord may not answer your prayers right away but he'll always answer them on time." I know, I know, it's easier said than done, but having the faith in that helps us grow and prepare ourselves for the time when He knows we're most ready to receive those blessings. You're such a great mom. You seem to balance things so well. I want you to know I really look up to you and reading this blog entry just makes me admire you even more! I don't really know what I could possibly say that would make you feel better, and I realize you probably didn't "write" this to have people give feedback, but rather more just to vent and express your feelings, but I'm glad we're friends and I look forward to becoming better friends in the future. Take care and hang in there! You're wonderful!
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