Open Adoption

When we started our adoption journey, we had to attend adoption classes that our agency had. One of the things that was discussed was open adoption. That means many different things to different people. At the time, it kinda freaked Kevin and I out. We had the image of the birth mother coming and kidnapping the baby or other such crazy ideas in our head. We most definitely had the Lifetime movie version of adoption. Not real at all.

The longer we waited, the more I read about openess in adoption and what it really means. I learned that it's actually better for all involved. It's better for the birth parents to be able to heal and know that their baby will be able to know with a surety that they really do love them. It's better for the adopted child to know that love and to know that they were adopted. It's better for the adoptive parents to have a relationship with the birth parents because of the great gift that is being given that will forever tie your adopted child to their birth parents.

Imagine being an adopted child and never knowing until you were an adult. Can you imagine the identity crisis that would occur? Wondering where you came from and why your birth parents didn't want you? Even gaining access to who your birth parents are would be a nightmare in a lot of cases. Then once you had contact info for them, what if they didn't want to meet you? Wouldn't that be heart breaking?

On the other hand imagine being an adopted child and always knowing you were adopted. You would always know that your birth parents loved you and because they loved you so much they wanted more for you than they would be able to provide. Because of this they hand picked who your parents would be. In some cases, open adoption means having your birth parents in your life as you grow up. Your birth parents wouldn't be your parents, they would take on a role of a favorite aunt or uncle, but would always be there for you. Isn't that a much nicer image? Having the love of both your birth parents and your adoptive parents in your life from day one?

Kevin and I warmed up to an open adoption as we waited for two years from the time we put in our papers to the time placement occurred. We realized it was best to have an open adoption. Once we actually met our girls birth mother, there was no way we could even consider having something other than an open adoption. We love her so much. She has given us the most amazing gift and she's always trying to make sure things are easy on us. Medicare had sent her cards for the girls past when she told them they would be off of it. She texted me to let me know she needed to talk to me and to call her when I could. She was so worried it would cause problems for us. It ended up being Medicare just wanted the girls covered for sure for a couple months in case there were any problems with our insurance. She was going to pump breastmilk for the girls, but her body didn't cooperate with her and she was devastated.

We are okay with her seeing the girls. She hasn't asked yet, and I'm not sure she will. I'm pretty sure she'll just wait for us to ask if she wants to see them. This isn't even scary to us because there is so much love for her and for her boyfriend. We trust her and know she wants what's best for the girls. I am so amazed by her courage and devotion to these girls. We formed a bond that will not be broken with time. It might change a bit as time goes on, but it'll always be there. Open adoption isn't scary, it's a blessing.

For us, open adoption means, we still text with the girls birth mother. We still talk to her on the phone. We still email her. We send her pictures of the girls. We plan on seeing her again. For others, it might be just email and pictures, but the communication is always there. I couldn't imagine having anything other than an open adoption.