After my last post, I was surprised by the sense of peace I was able to have concerning everything. I know that it was through my prayers and the prayers of others that I was strengthened to be able to carry on relatively quick.
Tuesday, we met with the director of our agency. We had been having issues with our caseworker and requested a change. He felt we should discuss things in person instead of just through the email I had sent. Seemed pointless to me, but we will be having a new caseworker soonish. I hope our new caseworker will be able to really get to know us and not just know us on paper like our last caseworker. There's a big difference between really knowing someone and just knowing them by what they wrote to answer their home study/getting to know us questions.
Then today, after I posted a thing on our adoption facebook page about others printing our profile, especially if they are in the health care field, I got a message from a facebook friend. I met this friend when I was pregnant with Brandon and have remained friends with her since. She asked if we had ever considered surrogacy. I told her that I had briefly thought about it, but that it didn't feel like the path we should pursue at this time. I also explained to her that surrogacy is essentially adoption whether or not the child being carried has the same genetics as the couple that is having the surrogate carry the child. By law, the child a surrogate carries is her child regardless of genetics. Adoption paperwork still has to be filled out and filed in order for that child to be the couple's child. Our insurance also will not cover IVF for surrogacy even though it covers IVF otherwise. That means for just a chance that a surrogate to carry a child for us, we would be out at least $10K. That's partly why we decided not to pursue fertility treatments -- it's just a chance of getting pregnant/having a child.
Anyway, after I explained surrogacy to her, she wrote back and let me know that she'd been considering surrogacy for us. That she was willing to carry a child for us if we decided to go that route. I was very touched that she'd offer. I don't feel it's the right direction for us, but to have that offer was a glimmer of hope of other options out there.
I know that Heavenly Father wants us to adopt and we just need to be patient and remember to listen and heed all the promptings we receive even if they seem like it's just us being paranoid. I had felt like I should have emailed the attorney Friday morning to check to see if he had received our profile, yet I thought I was being paranoid. Now I know that it was really a prompting. It's so easy to dismiss little promptings like that. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and while our path to have another child added to our family has been and continues to be long, I know that it'll end with a child in our arms.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
My heart is broken (again)
This past weekend was so heart wrenching waiting to hear. It turns out that while we sent the email, the attorney actually never received it. That means that our profile was never even being considered and the birth parents have chosen another family. It gets even more interesting, though. The birth parents who absolutely did not want to work with an agency has in fact been working with an agency, so they most likely wouldn't have even been using the law firm for the adoption. My heart is broken. How many times does it have to be broken before our baby finds his/her way to our home?
--Tami
--Tami
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Adoption Ups and Downs
Thursday night I received a call from LDS Family Services about an adoption situation. She asked if we wanted to pursue it as it'd be a private adoption since the birth parents did not want to go through an agency. I felt like it might be something we should do, so I told her to send me the email regarding it and then I'd discuss it with Kevin.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
After praying, Kevin and I felt like it we were supposed to pursue it and I emailed the attorney over the adoption with the link to our profile as per the directions of LDSFS in regards to this situation.
The situation is a mother in Georgia who is married and has four children. They have already placed one child previously and are committed to placing this one as well. The baby will be born this coming Thursday via c-section. The mother has not had drugs or alcohol and the baby is thought to be of good health. The gender is unknown. Only a few profiles were going to be shown to this couple, so our chances of being chosen were higher.
Thursday night I was tired, but my brain would not shut off due to all the thoughts running through my head on this possible adoption. It's such short notice so I started thinking about baby names for both genders -- we need a new crib since ours is a drop down and while it's not one that has been recalled, I don't trust side-drop cribs anymore -- if it's a girl, we don't have any girl clothes (I've been assured we are covered for that one from a friend) -- we'll have to have someone watch the boys while we travel to Georgia -- and a million other thoughts ran through my head making it impossible to fall asleep until much later.
I woke up Friday feeling excited for the possibility to finally have a baby in our arms after the years of secondary infertility and the wait it's been so far in our adoption process with the incompetent case worker. I had promised the boys we would go to Lagoon and we were meeting up with a friend from Brandon's school class so we went. I had my phone with me and I kept hearing it ring even though it wasn't. It was just hopeful thoughts of them calling to tell us to make plans on traveling to Georgia. As the day wore on, I began to feel less excited. Have they decided on someone else? Will they even let us know if they choose someone else or will we just be left hanging?
Today, I've answered questions friends have had in regards to the situation and that we still haven't heard back. As it's gotten later today, I've begun to realize we most likely were not chosen and that we won't hear back at all. There's still that small part of me that hopes the birth parents just haven't chosen or they have but the news won't be passed on to us until Monday since it's the weekend. Adoption is such a roller coaster of emotions. I hope I will be able to post that we really were chosen, but it's not looking like it. So, we go back to waiting.
We have an appointment with the director of our agency on Tuesday morning to discuss a new caseworker and such. I had written to him and let him know how displeased we were with our current caseworker. Instead of just changing caseworkers like I had wanted, he felt the need to meet with us in regards to the situation. They did have a different caseworker call to tell us about the above adoption situation, so maybe she'll be our new caseworker. I'm not sure. I just feel heartbroken. I want to have another baby in our family. Ed's five now and we started trying to have another one just before he was one. I don't know how much more my poor heart can take.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Amazed at How Far He's Come
I meant to write about this sooner, but things have been kinda busy around here.
So, this past Saturday, our family was running errands and we went out to lunch at Five Guys Burgers and Fries while we were out. Kevin pointed out a mom at the next table over that was wearing an autism awareness t-shirt. It made me smile since when Brandon was younger, I kinda wanted to get one of those. Then a little bit later, we started to hear some shrieking coming from that table. I just laughed and told Kevin that now we knew which child it was that had autism. He mentioned that just prior to the child shrieking, he had been flapping his hands -- a common way that children with autism self-stimulate.
At that point, I realized just how noisy the restaurant actually was and was telling Kevin that it was probably too loud for the poor kid. That brought my thoughts back to when Brandon was two. We invited the extended family out to Red Robin for his birthday celebration. At that point in time, we didn't know he had autism. We were perplexed as to why he wouldn't sit down and eat. It wasn't just the normal bounciness of young children. He was pacing the table and making loud noises. We had never seen him acting so strange. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I can understand what was going on since we learned that he had autism. The restaurant was way too noisy for him. There were too many people, too much noise, and the lights were too bright for my little guy. He was majorly overstimulated and couldn't sit to eat, he needed to pace to cope with the sensory overload.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. The noise was not bothering him at all. He was sitting in his chair, eating his food, and being silly with Edward. I was just so amazed and so grateful that we were able to learn what was causing his odd behavior and that we were able to get him the help he needed so he can function so well now.
He still has times where he gets overstimulated and he'll shut down a bit now, but he's learned how to cope with it much easier.
Last night, we attended the Utah Symphony/Utah Opera's concert for families with children with autism. It was wonderful. A bit noisier and bouncier than other concerts we have attended, but it was so great to see all the children with autism enjoying a concert that they might not otherwise be able to attend due to their disability. Brandon loved being able to bounce during the William Tell Overture (as did a lot of the other children). Utah Symphony/Utah Opera put this on for free every year. They said that this was the 10th year they've done it and it was the first time we've attended it. Next year it'll be in January if any of you were wondering about next year's.
I'm very grateful for Brandon. His autism brings a new point of view on the world and I'm lucky to have been chosen to be his mother by a loving Heavenly Father.
So, this past Saturday, our family was running errands and we went out to lunch at Five Guys Burgers and Fries while we were out. Kevin pointed out a mom at the next table over that was wearing an autism awareness t-shirt. It made me smile since when Brandon was younger, I kinda wanted to get one of those. Then a little bit later, we started to hear some shrieking coming from that table. I just laughed and told Kevin that now we knew which child it was that had autism. He mentioned that just prior to the child shrieking, he had been flapping his hands -- a common way that children with autism self-stimulate.
At that point, I realized just how noisy the restaurant actually was and was telling Kevin that it was probably too loud for the poor kid. That brought my thoughts back to when Brandon was two. We invited the extended family out to Red Robin for his birthday celebration. At that point in time, we didn't know he had autism. We were perplexed as to why he wouldn't sit down and eat. It wasn't just the normal bounciness of young children. He was pacing the table and making loud noises. We had never seen him acting so strange. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so looking back I can understand what was going on since we learned that he had autism. The restaurant was way too noisy for him. There were too many people, too much noise, and the lights were too bright for my little guy. He was majorly overstimulated and couldn't sit to eat, he needed to pace to cope with the sensory overload.
Fast forward to this past Saturday. The noise was not bothering him at all. He was sitting in his chair, eating his food, and being silly with Edward. I was just so amazed and so grateful that we were able to learn what was causing his odd behavior and that we were able to get him the help he needed so he can function so well now.
He still has times where he gets overstimulated and he'll shut down a bit now, but he's learned how to cope with it much easier.
Last night, we attended the Utah Symphony/Utah Opera's concert for families with children with autism. It was wonderful. A bit noisier and bouncier than other concerts we have attended, but it was so great to see all the children with autism enjoying a concert that they might not otherwise be able to attend due to their disability. Brandon loved being able to bounce during the William Tell Overture (as did a lot of the other children). Utah Symphony/Utah Opera put this on for free every year. They said that this was the 10th year they've done it and it was the first time we've attended it. Next year it'll be in January if any of you were wondering about next year's.
I'm very grateful for Brandon. His autism brings a new point of view on the world and I'm lucky to have been chosen to be his mother by a loving Heavenly Father.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Little Ray of Hope
With it being so close to when I lost the twins, I was feeling pretty discouraged about the whole adoption stuff as well. At times it feels like it's not going anywhere.
The one expectant mother I was in contact with is leaning more towards parenting her baby instead of placing. I was also in contact with a different expectant mother through the same message board. She's expecting twin girls due in August and is pretty sure she's placing. However, she doesn't really respond to me when I message her to check how she's doing. So, she's either chosen another family and doesn't know how to tell me or she thinks I'm a psychopath. Either way, it'd be nice to get a response from her just telling me one way or another. Maybe she hasn't chosen a family yet and just doesn't want to really think about it. I don't know. I'm trying not to check on her too often since I don't want her to think I'm just trying to "steal" her babies or something.
Anyway, about the little ray of hope. I finally logged into my account to see how often my adoption profile has been view. The contact page is often not viewed. The last time I had logged in, it told me that it had been viewed 4 times and I knew at least one of those times had been me checking to make sure all the pages worked. This time when I logged in, it said that it had been viewed 9 times. That gives me a little bit of hope to know that expectant mothers who are considering placing for adoption are actually looking at our profile. I know that Heavenly Father's hand is in all of this, but it can get discouraging from time to time. I think the waiting is the hardest part. Prior to being approved for adoption, you at least have some control over how fast it'll be before being approved. The sooner you get everything done that you are supposed to, the sooner you'll be approved. The waiting, however, is just that, waiting and waiting and waiting. I hope that we are chosen soon.
The one expectant mother I was in contact with is leaning more towards parenting her baby instead of placing. I was also in contact with a different expectant mother through the same message board. She's expecting twin girls due in August and is pretty sure she's placing. However, she doesn't really respond to me when I message her to check how she's doing. So, she's either chosen another family and doesn't know how to tell me or she thinks I'm a psychopath. Either way, it'd be nice to get a response from her just telling me one way or another. Maybe she hasn't chosen a family yet and just doesn't want to really think about it. I don't know. I'm trying not to check on her too often since I don't want her to think I'm just trying to "steal" her babies or something.
Anyway, about the little ray of hope. I finally logged into my account to see how often my adoption profile has been view. The contact page is often not viewed. The last time I had logged in, it told me that it had been viewed 4 times and I knew at least one of those times had been me checking to make sure all the pages worked. This time when I logged in, it said that it had been viewed 9 times. That gives me a little bit of hope to know that expectant mothers who are considering placing for adoption are actually looking at our profile. I know that Heavenly Father's hand is in all of this, but it can get discouraging from time to time. I think the waiting is the hardest part. Prior to being approved for adoption, you at least have some control over how fast it'll be before being approved. The sooner you get everything done that you are supposed to, the sooner you'll be approved. The waiting, however, is just that, waiting and waiting and waiting. I hope that we are chosen soon.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mixed Feelings About Mother's Day
Every year as Mother's Day draws near, I start having very mixed emotions about it. It should be a joyous time when my children and husband show how much they appreciate me. It is that, but at the same time, it's a very, very hard day for me. Six years ago, I had to have an emergency D&C on Mother's Day. I had lost the twins I had been carrying. I didn't even know it was twins until I was losing them. I hadn't had my first appointment with my OB/GYN yet. I was only nine weeks along. That was on of the hardest things I have ever gone through, yet with the help of Heavenly Father, a worthy priesthood holder, and a wonderful blessing of comfort that helped me survive and continue on. I know that I'll be able to raise them someday.
Later that year, I got pregnant with my little Edward. He'll be five years old this July. It's weird to think that if I hadn't lost the twins, I wouldn't have my Edward. He's a joy in my life. He can always make me laugh.
Ironically enough, May 9th (which was Mother's Day in 2004) is also the day that Kevin was paralyzed many years previous. It's a very hard time for the both of us.
I was thinking about my lost babies last night and then today I found out that a friend of mine recently lost the twins she was pregnant with as well. She also had to have an emergency D&C and my heart just went out to her. While her pain is her own, I can fully empathize with her. Losing a child is really hard, no matter what age the child is. I will be praying for her to be able to get through this trial in her life.
Later that year, I got pregnant with my little Edward. He'll be five years old this July. It's weird to think that if I hadn't lost the twins, I wouldn't have my Edward. He's a joy in my life. He can always make me laugh.
Ironically enough, May 9th (which was Mother's Day in 2004) is also the day that Kevin was paralyzed many years previous. It's a very hard time for the both of us.
I was thinking about my lost babies last night and then today I found out that a friend of mine recently lost the twins she was pregnant with as well. She also had to have an emergency D&C and my heart just went out to her. While her pain is her own, I can fully empathize with her. Losing a child is really hard, no matter what age the child is. I will be praying for her to be able to get through this trial in her life.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Possibility
I spend some of my online time on a forum called diaperswappers. I started going there when I was cloth diapering Edward. Since I started sewing things geared towards cloth diapering mamas, I've stayed there ever since. They have a section there for adoption and foster care. An expectant mother posted that she's considering adoption. I responded to her thread helping to ease some of her fears. She was worried no one would want her child since her previous two children are special needs (autism and cerebal palsy).
I felt inspired to send her a private message including a link to Kevin and mine's adoptive couple profile. I didn't do it right away, I waited until the next day, as I was worried about overstepping the bounds of politeness. She read through our profile and said that while she hasn't made the decision to place just yet as she's only 7 weeks along, if she decides to place, she would definitely consider us. She loves that we already have children since it's important for her child to have siblings.
I don't know if anything will happen from it, but there is the possibility that it may.
I felt inspired to send her a private message including a link to Kevin and mine's adoptive couple profile. I didn't do it right away, I waited until the next day, as I was worried about overstepping the bounds of politeness. She read through our profile and said that while she hasn't made the decision to place just yet as she's only 7 weeks along, if she decides to place, she would definitely consider us. She loves that we already have children since it's important for her child to have siblings.
I don't know if anything will happen from it, but there is the possibility that it may.
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